Saturday, July 2, 2011
The weight on my shoulders
Things on my mind:My weight. It's out of control. I have no motivation to change anything. I literally am fat and lazy. Point blank.Babies: I want to have another baby. But I know it isn't going to be easy. I don't know if I can emotionally handle losing another baby.Friends: Or the lack thereof. I try so hard to fit in. I've tried fitting in with people who are like me, and I've tried fitting in with people who are different from me. It doesn't matter who it is, I just don't feel like I fit in. In the back of my mind the thought is ALWAYS there that as soon as I turn around they are going to start talking about me. But I don't know what else to do to make friends.My job: I love it. But it's temporary. I have no benefits and not the best pay. I need something permanent.Glasses/contacts. It's been over a year since I tore my last pair of contacts. So I've been stuck in glasses. I hate them. They are new, and cute, but I still hate them. I hate having to change into different sunglasses in the car or outside and not bring able to just slip the sunglasses onto the top of my head when I need to go inside. Tomorrow I will be spending time with family. So I know a lot of these thoughts will push out of my mind. But ad soon as my head hits this pillow everything will come crashing back down on me.