Monday, June 20, 2011

Father's Day

Let's talk about Fathers. I truly believe I have the best Dad in the whole world. Now it wasn't always the breezy relationship we have now. When I was a teenager I pushed the limits. My can't push her...she will snap, and it will not be pretty. (Sound familiar? Lexi and i have the same attitude!) But with Dad, i could push and push and push. Looking back i don't understand it. I still cannot hear the song "Daddy's Hands" without tearing up thinking of my own Dad. He was tough when he needed to be and soft when he needed to be. He always told us when we were in the wrong, but he also praised us when we were right. We have pictures of him sitting in the kiddie pool with his cut off denim shorts, letting us pour buckets of water on him. When we were young he built us a sandbox. Talk about amazing! As he and i were getting ready to walk down the aisle at my wedding he knew i was nervous. He looked down at me and said, "are you ready to do this?" I was ready to marry the love of my life, but i still needed my Daddy by my side. He used to jump on the trampoline with us. And fly kites. He is an amazing Dad!The next Dad on my list is my Grandpa Gleason. We call him Papa, everyone else calls him James or Jimmy. He is truly amazing. It melts my heart to see Lexi climb up on his lap and read him a book. I know it melts his heart too.Next, Jacob, my amazing husband, the Father to 3 angels and 1 beautiful little girl. You always know how much you love your husband, right? Wrong! You never know how much you love your husband until you see him site over you while you're pregnant. And then that love multiplies again when you see him hold your baby for the first time. See, i was unconscious for several hours after delivery. Lexi went to the NICU. The nurses had to make Jacob go with her. He didn't want to leave me. He spent the whole early morning chauffeuring people to see Lexi. The video footage Mom took of Jacob talking to Lexi makes me tear up just thinking about it. It was amazing!Grandpa Judd: He's been gone too long. But i will never forget the time we shared. He used to tell the best jokes. We didn't get to see him much, so he doted over us when we were there. I miss him so much. And it breaks my heart that Jacob never got to meet him. They would have loved each other. I also am sad that Lexi can never jump up in his lap. But maybe she got to meet him on the other side.All my uncles: We have a huge family. We are all very close. My uncles have been more like "extra dads" to me.I hope, not only yesterday, but every day of the year they know how special they are!

Sunday, June 12, 2011


I don't understand now I can have good days and then turn right around and have bad days. I had days where I ran on the treadmill, played with Lexi, was a great wife and mom. The. I have days like today where I feel totally out of it. I didn't sleep well for 2 nights in a row, and i know that plays a part. I'm also extremely sunburned and that doesn't help my mood. I want to be close to people, but i push them away. Lexi is very independent and i think i feel ot the hardest because i make a lot of rules she doesn't like, so she doesn't want to be around me after that. It breaks my heart every time she gets off my lap to go sit with her daddy. I have so much anxiety over work. I am doing new things and it freaks me out. I don't want to mess anything up. I love getting new responsibilities, but i hope i can actually do what they are asking me to to. I also have anxiety over jot having a permanent job. Do i take time off to go look for something permanent? Because i can't keep doing temp work with no benefits. So today is a not good day. I know it's because I'm so tired, drove 4 hrs, had to unpack (yuck) and then finish the day. Maybe it's just a funk that will go away tomorrow. I hope so!
Can you pray for Princess G tonight? She is in the early stages of rejecting her new angel heart. Please pray for her sparkly heart to hang on!