I think trust, I mean complete, 100% trust, in God is something that we all struggle with from time to time. Or maybe that's just me. I have that personality though. Where it's so much easier to just do it myself, than to try to explain (and wait) for someone else to do it. But that's not the way it's supposed to be. That's not the way God intended it. If we were left to our own defenses, to guide ourselves through this world....well, we would be a mess. Today's "Jesus Calling" entry really made me stop and think about all the times I should have trusted HIM more and ME less.
The first thing that comes to mind is when I was trying to get pregnant. I begged and pleaded. Cried and cried. Tried to give it all to Him, only to take control back myself. I lost 3 babies, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wonder what it would be like if that never happened to me. Well, for one I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I wouldn't have the compassion for the child-less and the need to do something to spread the word about infertility. But mainly, if I wouldn't have gone through all of that....I wouldn't have Alexia Rosemay. I was meant to be HER mom. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that God knew about everything in my path before I could even imagine it. He knew what I was going to go through. And He was there, patiently waiting for me to give Him the reins. And I truly believe that His timing is perfect. And when I finally did give up control, that's when it happened.
I can also bring more recent examples. Such as me losing my job last July. At that point, I didn't have another option. I had to give up control and let HIM control my life. I could no longer try to steer the wrecking ball. It wasn't ideal. And of course there were times when I asked "why me?." But I prayed every single day that God would lead me where He wanted me to be. And I prayed for myself to be able to give up control and let God have control.
I know it's easy to look back and see how everything worked out exactly how it was supposed to. But it's so hard to think about that when you're in the moment. It seems never-ending. As if the journey up the hill is never going to end. But I'm here to tell you that it does. And once you get to the top....the view is more than you could ever imagine.
Here's what I noted from "Jesus Calling" today.
Anything that tends to make you anxious is a growth opportunity. Instead of running away from challenges, embrace tem, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in your difficulties.
Search for My way in the midst of your circumstances.
Trust is like a staff you can lean on, as you journey uphill with Me. If you are trusting in Me consistently, the staff will bear as much weight as needed.
"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever." Psalm 52:8
From my Bible notes:
The green olive tree is an image of vitality and fruitfulness. The faithful trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever.
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
From my Bible notes:
Trust in the Lord is necessary for fulfilling any of the wise ways of life.
With all your heart indicates that trust goes beyond intellect, into a deep reliance on the Lord, a settled confidence in His care and His faithfulness to His word.
To make straight a person's path means to make the course of the person's life one that continually progresses toward the goal.
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy for me to give up control in some of my circumstances. But I am saying that it's going to be a whole lot easier knowing the strength that those words hold. God doesn't expect us to wander through this life alone. He knows that we need Him. He's just waiting for us to acknowledge the need, and ask Him for a hand to hold as we journey up the mountain.