Monday, March 16, 2015

This Man

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the responses to my last post, here and on facebook.  It really helped!

The past couple weeks have been sorta rough around here.  After having daily headaches and some other symptoms, Jacob started checking his blood sugar.  Much to our surprise it was averaging in the 300s!  So he made an appointment with his dr.  Which was a huge step because he does not go to the dr!  He has started taking medication and changing his diet, and it has already helped tremendously!  He checked it tonight and it was in the 90s! 
I don't have much experience with blood sugar and diabetes.  I have PCOS, which causes some blood sugar/insulin resistance issues.  So I took metformin when I was trying to get pregnant with Lexi.  I do know that the average blood sugar should be between 80 and 120.  If mine gets much above 120 I get very sick!  Lethargic, sweaty...just icky feeling.  So I can't imagine how it would feel for it to be as high as Jacob's was.

It has been a real wake-up call for us.  My husband is one of the strongest men I know.  Ask anyone, and they will tell you he is the strong, silent type.  He doesn't complain.  He doesn't get sick.  I'm the sick one.  Always. And he has always been there.  He held me through 3 miscarriages.  He was by my side through home and hospital bedrest.  Emergency gallbladder surgery 3 days after his birthday.  For about 3 years in a row I was extremely sick on his birthday, leaving him to take care of the kids by himself.  But he was there. He has stood by my side through job losses, and carried our family financially.  So, for the roles to be reversed is weird for me.  Being sick for years I have learned to deal with my stuff.  I can handle it when it's me.  When my kids get sick, it kills me inside.  I can be strong and get the job done when it needs to be done.  But then I go to bed, and when everyone is asleep I can break down.  Cry and pray.  So naturally that's what I have done for the past week.  Which I realize probably comes across like I don't care.  But I do.  We have been together for 13 years.  We don't have that relationship where we oooh and aaah over each other all the time.  We don't post I love yous and the such all over facebook every day.  I'm not judging anyone who does that...we just don't.  We love each other deeply, and we know that we love each other deeply.  Sometimes when I wake up at night and can't sleep, I just have to snuggle up to him, or just put my hand on him.  Which is weird because I'm not a big cuddler.  But when it happens, I literally HAVE to reach out and touch him. 

If he knew I was in here typing this blog right now, he would probably tell me to stop.  For the pure fact that he doesn't want any attention brought to his situation.  But I have been thinking about it all day, and I just have to put this blog out there.  It's not for attention.  And it's not for a poor me pity party.  I just want everyone to know how amazing he is, and how much I love him.

This man has my heart.

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