Friday, March 18, 2016

Why don't I sleep

well there are several reasons why I have a hard time sleeping at night.
I've always had a hard time falling asleep. So in college I started taking Tylenol pm to help me sleep. It worked for a while. But after time I built up a tolerance to that. Having to taking higher and higher doses. Around 2004 I started taking ambien. It worked like a dream at first. But eventually I built up a tolerance to that as well. I have tried pretty much everything else that is on the market for insomnia. To no avail.
So compounded with that ongoing issue, my mind is also like a black hole. It's like where ideas go to die. And when better to pull up those ideas than when you are trying to sleep. It's really hard to fall asleep when all you're thinking about is all the ways you failed today.
I'm unemployed. That's a big one. I spend lots of nights crying about the fact that I still am not helping support my family.
This week I spent 2 whole days awake. The third day I napped a little. The third night I slept decent. The fourth day I was still incredibly tired. Today the fifth day I was kind of able to function normally. I'm so scared that my body wants this to be the new normal. And it just can't be.

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