Wednesday, May 4, 2016

slipping

I can feel myself slipping. Holding on by a thread, but that thread is getting frayed. It's about to break. 
The dark cloud is starting to overtake me. I'm trying to push it away but it doesn't feel like I'm making progress. 
There isn't a good way to fix it right now. Sure, I could change meds. But the med I'm on right now is so hard to come off of that I seriously think I would have to do it in a hospital setting. And I just can't do that right now. 
My work schedule is part of it. I've been working some weird hours. Like not going in until 2-3 in the afternoon. It's nice to have nothing to do all day. But all I end up doing is dreading going in. 
I never see my husband. Between his late nights and mine we pretty much just sleep in the same bed. 
My house is a wreck. Bad. Like I would not let anyone walk in the door right now. I'm struggling with making my kids clean up their own messes. They are accustomed to me doing it. But I don't have time to do it. And frankly I don't want to do it. Just put your trash in the trash and dirty clothes in the hamper. 
Migraines are becoming a daily occurance again. Not much I can do about that. 
I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Laying in bed right now and I can't decide if I want to cry or run away. 
I need help but I don't know how to get it  

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