Thursday, February 2, 2017

just the ramblings of a depressed woman

My meds have been off kilter for about a month. I haven't been able to get the second dose of Effexor I need. So I've been struggling. Struggling to get out of bed even. I need Botox. But I have to get a referral to a new dr and then get them to request approvals from my insurance. So we're probably looking at about 6 months from now for actually getting Botox. 

I can't help but feel not good enough. It's seems like I'm a disappointment to a lot of people in my life. 

My husband--I have given him the all clear. He didn't sign up for this now. I've told him if he wants out he is free to go, I won't contest a divorce.
Right now I'm not a good sister either. I'm the oldest and they are supposed to fall on me when they need advice. But it's he total opposite. I'm the one falling on them for advice. For that I'm truly sorry. I am letting you guys down and I want to change that. 
My kids-they didn't sign up for this. They didn't choose to be born to a mother with mental health issues.  
Nope good enough for a full time job with regular hours. 
Not good enough that my husband enjoys doing things for me and not viewing them as just another task. 
Not good enough to promote at work because of my resting b!tćh face. 
I'm just tired of settling for just ok. I want to be at the top. I want to be the best. I'm. It gonna trample people to get there, but in also not gonna let people hold me back or trample me.