Goodbye 2014

Another year is almost over.  How can that be possible?  It seems like we were just about to ring in 2014! It has gone by so fast!  But, I think overall 2014 has been a good year for us.

I turned 30 in January. I don't really feel 30 if that makes sense.  I guess I always thought by the time I was 30 I would have everything figured out.  Ya know...organized home, mom with a planner and crafts and everything together.  But, alas, that is not how 30 turned out.  Oh well.

Lexi turned 5 in May and started Kindergarten in August.  It doesn't seem possible that my sweet little 5 pound miracle is in Kindergarten.  And I hate to brag (no really I don't) but this girl is smart.  She has always been smart.  I used to call her baby genius.  She was so scared to start Kindergarten because she didn't think she was smart enough to do it.  But now she loves it.  She is reading at least at a second grade level, and I couldn't be more proud of her.  I love to see little parts of her personality start to grow and change...but it's still funny to see the things that stay the same.  From the time she was born (4 weeks early) she has done things on her own time.  She joined the world early, but didn't want to leave the NICU.  She was adamant about using her preemie bottles up until the day she started using a sippy cup...which I had to hold like a bottle because she refused. She was content to sit on the floor and play with whatever she could reach.  Crawling and walking just weren't priorities.  She is the same today.  Everything is on her time.  She does not like to be woken up before she is ready.  She stumbles out of the bedroom looking exactly like me in the mornings!  I have to remind her over and over to get dressed, or eat breakfast, or brush her teeth, just so we can get out of the house in the mornings.  She just does things on her timing.

Rex Allen turned 2 in September. And let me tell you, I just don't know how that is possible. Seems like he was just my spoiled little baby who needed to be held at all times.  But now he's my spoiled big man.  I have always felt guilty about going back to work after he was born, but it was something that had to be done.  I was able to stay home for a year after Lexi was born, and I felt like I knew everything about her.  With Rex, I felt like all his bonding was with Jacob.  He was Daddy's boy all the way.  But me being home with him all day for 5 months has changed that!  We have gotten to know each other.  He has learned how to push my buttons, and I have learned how to interpret his gibberish.  I feel like we get each other now. And he definitely melts my heart with that ornery little smile.

In July I lost my job.  I have felt every emotion possible about it.  I have gone from feeling completely lost and broken, to feeling empowered and confident in new beginnings....and all the way back again. 

My health has had highs and lows.  Botox completely changed my life, and then changed it again when I lost my insurance. 

I got to be there to welcome a new nephew into the world in April.  And stand beside my sister as she married the love of her life in October.

We raised money and walked to end Alzheimers in memory of my Grandma.  And we still miss her every single day.

Lots and lots of family time was enjoyed this year.  This is something I can never get enough of.  I feel like I thrive when I am surrounded by family.  I never take enough pictures though, and should really make that a resolution for next year. 

I got to spend an amazing long weekend in Alabama this summer with some of my very best girl friends.  It was a long drive, and per the norm, I ended up as red as a lobster.  But it was so great. 

I have very close friends who have suffered extreme loss and pain this year.  I wish I could take that away from them.  I can only hope and pray that 2015 is a better year for them, and that their prayers are answered.  At the same time, I have friends who have had their dreams come true, and their prayers answered this year.  My heart couldn't be more happy for them. 

I have been wanting to post pictures from all our Christmas celebrations, but I left my camera at my mom's house last weekend, so I haven't been able to load any of them.  I promise that is coming!

No matter if 2014 was your best or worst year ever, I am praying for 2015 to bring all your greatest wishes!

Letters to Rex - January 2014

Rex Allen,

Where do I even begin? You are so different from your sister. You are constantly on the move. Climbing and destroying everything in your path. I remember when we couldn't wait for you to walk... now I just want you to slow down!

Your tube surgery helped you so much. Within a few days you were taking steps and saying more words.

Right now you can say: mama, dada, banana, cracker, thank you, I love you. We are working on Sissy and Lexi. She will be so excited when you can finally say her name.

You go to daycare at the school. You love your teachers so much... and I think they like you a little too. 😉

You eat from the time you get up in the morning until the time you go to bed at night. You will eat pretty much anything I give you. But some of your favorites are: bananas, pop tarts, cereal bars, chips, cookies, crackers, craisins, and dry cereal.

The funniest thing you are doing lately is blowing your nose. You can really do it! But you scrunch that little face up and blow... it's just so cute.

You sleep through the night for the most part.

You don't have near as many teeth as what your sister had by this time. You won't let me feel around in there for very long, but I think you have 12 teeth total right now. You sure are drooling a ton... and BITING your friends. So I'm hoping this is just a teething thing and it will go away soon!

Son, I love you so much! I was worried about what it would be like having a boy, after getting used to all the girly things. But it is truly amazing. Your smile lights up my darkest days. You will always be my baby boy!

Love,

Mommy

Where have I been??

I don't even know where to start.  I don't remember what my last blog was about, or even when it was.
I guess life just happened.  My kids take up all my spare time.  I rarely get on my laptop, and I hate to blog from my phone. :(

So, short updates:
Rex turned 1.  We had an UNO themed party.
Pretty much all summer we battled with sick kids.  Lexi would get sick, and when she would finally get better, Rex would get sick.  Since August 29 the poor guy has had 6 back to back ear infections.  Changing antibiotics every time.  So we finally got a referral to get tubes.  Of course this mommy was scared to let him go back, even for this very minor surgery.  But our Pastor was there, he prayed with us, and stayed with us the whole time until they took us back to recovery.  I was worried about how he would wake up because I have heard horror stories.  But, when we got back there he was asleep.  The sweet nurses had turned his glowbaby on next to him.  She recommended that we let him wake up on his own because it's an easier transition.  He slept for a couple minutes, then sat straight up in the bed and started clapping.  They brought him some apple juice and he chugged that down.  After 30 minutes we were free to go.  By that afternoon you wouldn't have known he had surgery.  He is 14 months old, and wasn't walking.  Wasn't saying very many words.  Within 3 days of the surgery he was taking steps.  And now, 2 weeks later, you would think he had been walking his whole life!  And saying so many more words!!  I can't even begin to say how impressed I am with the tubes!
Lexi is in Pre-K.  She has already started the whining in the morning about not wanting to go to school.  But once she gets there, she loves it.  She has 4 pages of homework for the week, and she usually does them all on Monday evening.  Because she just loves to do the work.  My next step for her will be getting her to read some sight words.  She read colors to me out of a color by number book one day and I was amazed!!  And she remembers everything!  She notices everything.  If I get a new shirt, she will be the first one to notice.  Sometimes she wakes up in the morning while I'm getting ready for work.  She is so sweet in the mornings.  The first thing she says is "Hi Mommy!"  We kiss and hug.  And then she tells me how beautiful I look.  She loves to mess around in my makeup drawer.  And I even let her put on some light pink eyeshadow one day.  Daddy didn't like that, and told her the next day that she couldn't do it.  She was pretty sad.  She is pretty independent.  On the weekends, if she wakes up before Bubba, she gets her ipad and plays on it until the rest of the house is awakened by Rex's talking.  He generally wakes up in a great mood also!
We started going back to church pretty regularly.  We even joined the church, which meant for me to get baptized again, because I had not been baptized into a southern baptist church.  They weren't saying my first baptism didn't count, just that this was a sign of my commitment to the church. We love it there.  The kids love it there.  Lexi is so upset if we can't go for some reason.  She has learned some of the worship songs, and I love to hear her sweet little voice singing them.
I'm still working for Chart.  I love it.  And I love my position there.  Of course if the right opportunity for promotion came along, I would be willing to take it.
I got Botox injections for my migraines.  It has helped tremendously.  I also got FMLA to cover my time off for my migraines.  Yes, they were that bad.  I will go back in January for more botox.
My baby sister is having another baby, and I'm so excited about that.  They are fairly certain it's a boy.  For now we are calling him "Baby B."
My sister that is 1 year younger than me is getting married!!  We have all been waiting for that day!  Her fiance is an amazing man that treats her like a queen.  I couldn't be more happy to welcome him into our family.  They've been together long enough though, that he's pretty much already family.  He loves all of our kids, and spoils them like they are his own.  I don't want to rush them, but I can't wait for them to start a little family!
Well, I think that should about catch you up.  I still have some posts that I've been stirring around in my head.  I just have to find the time to do it.  But I will try to update more regularly....for the 2 of you that read this, lol!

It's been a while...

I know, I know...I can't expect my blog to grow if I never update it.  So what has kept me away? One word...life.  Life happens and there are only so many hours in the day to get things done.  So this blog gets neglected.  Starting next week (I need to be able to start on Sundays) I will have better things coming.  For now, let's do a little catching up.

Rex Allen turned one on September 7th!  I can't believe my tiny boy is now a 1 year old.

We had an UNO themed party that I saw on pinterest.  As soon as I saw it, I had to run with it.  My mom made the cakes, my sister made the Happy Birthday Banner, and I threw everything else together.  I'll do a separate post with all the pictures and details.

On May 30, we lost my Grandma, my Mom's Mom.  She fought a long and hard battle with Alzheimer's and dementia.  She suffered a massive stroke and heart attack that day, and though the decision was hard, we knew she was tired of fighting.  I still haven't been able to blog about her yet because the emotions are still so raw.

My pain is overwhelming.  On good days I can make it through half a day of work.  On really good days, I can make it all day.  On really bad days, I can't get out of bed.  Pre-Approval for Botox injections is still tied up with the insurance.  They have to approve it before I can get it done, because I can not pay out of pocket for it.  It's been over 2 months now that I have been waiting and given the run-around.  I'm about to give up on it all together.

For the most part work is ok.  There are obviously attendance issues because I miss A LOT of work due to pain.  But, I have been there long enough that I qualified for intermittent FMLA.  So many hours per year that I can use for my illness.  It protects me from getting fired for my attendance.  I'm not abusing it just because I have it.  My end goal is to work 40 hours a week.  There just are times when that can't happen.

Lexi started Pre-K in August.  She loves it.  But she has always loved doing school work.  She even gets to ride the school bus from her school to Daddy's office after school. 

The Christmas season is approaching and I still have no idea where the money is going to come from.  I'm going to be helping my mom out with some crafts, so she is going to give me a portion of the sales. 

So hang with me.  Share the blog with your friends.  'Cause there are going to be some great things coming up soon!

Letters to Rex 5/28/13

Rex Allen,

You are no longer my tiny baby.  You are a big handsome boy now!  Next week you will be 9 months old.  This first year is flying by! 

You can sit up now, but only if we sit you up.  You haven't figured out how to go from laying to sitting yet.  But you can go from sitting to laying without just tipping over.  :)  You are still army crawling, and it's the funniest thing I have ever seen.  You mainly use one arm and one leg....it surprises everyone that you don't just crawl in circles!  But when you are determined to get somewhere you can get along pretty quick.  You also have learned how to pull up from sitting to standing.  I haven't seen you do it yet.  But Granny saw you do it.  You eat your babyfood pretty good, when you feel like it.  You want to eat food off of my plate, but you haven't really figured out how to do it yet.  You sit up in the shopping cart and the highchair at restaraunts, and you think it's the coolest thing. 

You love to play with your cousin Mattie.  You want to touch her face all the time though, and she really doesn't like that.

Right now you have pneumonia. :(  You had a snotty nose and a little cough for a while, but Sunday when you woke up I knew you were super sick.  So we took you to urgent care.  They gave you a breathing treatment while you were there.  Of course we took pictures and posted them to facebook.  You did it just like a big boy.  You don't need the mask.  Mommy just holds the machine close to your face and you just breathe in the steam.  Sunday was so sad though.  You barely smiled all day.

You have that same sunshine smile that Lexi had when she was a baby.  And you are always smiling!  Everyone always comments on how happy you are. 

You haven't mastered sleeping through the night yet.  Some nights you do, but some nights you wake up to eat.  Mommy isn't worried about it yet.  Once you turn one then we will start sleep training you. 

I love you more than life my little man!

Love,

Mommy

Letters to Rex 3/11/13

Rex Allen,

You turned 6 months old last week.  Where has the time gone?  Didn't I just bring you home from the hospital?!

Granny took you to get your shots.  You did great when you went back to school, but that evening and most of the next day you were fussy with a fever.  Your Sissy saw your bandaids and felt so sorry for you.  She kissed and loved on you telling you she was sorry you had to get shots.  She loves you so much!

Let's see...you could sit up on your own if you wanted to.  But you don't really want to, lol!  Every time we try to sit you up, you just bend over to chew on your toes.  Man do you love those toes.

You must be having a growth spurt because you have been waking up in the early morning the past few days, to eat.  You go back to sleep afterwards, so that's good. 

You can definitely roll from front to back and back to front.  You don't spend a lot of time on the floor because Mommy loves to cuddle you!  But I know you and your friend Jack play at school. 

My favorite times with you is at night when we are doing our bedtime routine.  You are so sweet and cuddly.  After you drink your bottle I turn you over to pat you.  You always grab ahold of my shirt, and either just hold it there, or chew on it, as you're falling asleep. 

You love bath time.  You especially love it, if you are taking a bath with Lexi.  You are getting too big for your baby bathtub, but we have a dilema since you don't want to sit up yet.  You love to kick your leg and splash me.  And even when you're in the bath, you're still trying to eat your toes.  Silly boy.

I love to peek in your door at night and listen to you snoring.  Boy can you snore!  You have the sweetest smile, and you are always sharing it with people.  No matter where we go, everyone comments on how great of a smile you have.  I hope you always share your smile with people. 

I love you bunches and bunches!

Love,

Mommy

Letters To Rex - 5 months

Rex Allen,

Oh my sweet snuggly little man.  I can't believe you are already 5 months old.  That picture up there is from when we just brought you home.  It seems like yesterday and so long ago all at the same time.

You have turned into the sweetest little boy.  You no longer scream 24/7 which is a welcome change.  You still prefer to be held, rather than play on the floor. But that's ok.  I know there will come a day when you won't want to sit in my lap anymore.

You are sleeping through the night for the most part.  Some nights you may wake up once and want to eat.  I can handle getting up 1 time per night!  You sleep on your belly.  The experts say you're not supposed to, but that's how you like to sleep, so I let you sleep that way.  We can hear you snoring through the monitor!

That picture is from this morning.  When you wake up in the morning you get to come to bed with mommy.  We hang out, eat, and watch the news.  You especially like the weather portion.  You always strain to see what's going on when you hear Alan Crone talking.  

You smile a TON!  You truly are a happy little boy.  

You are wearing mostly 6 month clothes, which is a change because your big sister was always a size behind in clothes.  But you are a big man!

You can lock your legs and stand up while we're holding you now.  You love to sit in the bumbo seat, and I hear you really love the jumper at school.  We're going to have to get you something like that!

You still hate tummy time, but hopefully that will change once you realize you can start rolling and moving!

You have had a few bites of baby food.  You aren't really sure what to do with it once it gets in your mouth, so a lot of it just comes back out.  But I just made the first batch of homemade sweet potatoes.  I gave you a taste and I swear your eyes lit up.  

We need to work on sitting up unassisted.  I'm sure you could do it if you wanted to.  But you're too busy leaning forwards trying to eat your toes.  That's your new favorite thing.  As soon as you lay down on your back you grab those feet and pull them to your mouth.

Everything we give you goes directly into your mouth.  We have had to have talks with sissy about not giving you anything small because you might choke on it.  She got so upset thinking that she might hurt you.  She loves you so very much!  And I can tell you love her too.  Your eyes light up when she talks to you.  You can hear her across the room and you start looking for her.

You have a best friend at school.  His name is Hank.  You look like twins.  Both bald little chubby babies.  They say you all talk and scream at each other all day.  I wish someone would record it so I could see it!

Baby boy, I love you so much!!

Love you bunches and bunches,

Mommy

Letter's to Rex - 1/28/13

Rex Allen,

You are an amazing little boy!
You grow so much every single day.

You are sleeping through the night now.  Which Mommy and Daddy really love!  You still wake up some nights and need a little midnight snack, but that's ok...it happens to all of us!  You sleep in your big boy bed, and move around so much through the night.

You smile so much!  Such a happy little boy!  Your eyes light up in the morning when you see Mommy, Daddy, or Sissy.

You are a drooling machine right now.  You have got to be teething.  You love to chew on anything you can get in your mouth.  I can't see or feel any little teeth right now, but I hope something breaks through soon so you can get some relief from that.

You have eaten some banana a time or two.  You still aren't sure about eating real food.  I mixed up some sweet potatoes yesterday so we will have to try that soon.

You want to sit up on your own, but you just can't balance right now.  But you love to sit up and see the world around you.

In just a few days you will be 5 months old.  That's almost half a year!!  I can't believe you have been here that long!

You are a big boy!  You are in the 75 % for your height....I don't know where you got that from....it sure wasn't Mommy!

You still don't have much hair, but we're holding out hope that it's going to come in red.

You can still wear some 3 month tops, but pants and pajamas have to be at least 3-6, and most of them are starting to get too short!  I joked with Daddy that you are going to pass Lexi in weight by your first birthday....but that might really be true!

I love you bunches and bunches!

Love,

Mommy

Time to Catch Up

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I blogged.  But, I have been a little busy.  So what's new?

We spent a night in the children's hospital with Rex.  I don't recommend it.  All is fine with him now, and thank God we only had to stay that one night.

I'm back at work.  Things are crazy.  Trying to catch up on everything that accumulated while I was gone.

We had an amazing Halloween.  Rex slept the whole night in his carseat, but he made an adorable little skeleton.  Lexi was Cinderella.  She loved the fact that she could wear her costume to school, but was very sad when she couldn't wear it again the next day.  She is in love with all things Princess right now.

We spent Thanksgiving in Cherokee, OK with my Mom's side of the family.  We had a great time.  Lots of babies in our family this year.  There were 4 there on that day, with 1 more missing. 

We went Black Friday shopping on Friday evening when we got home.  Guess what?!?  There were still some great bargains, and not hardly any shoppers.  Not to mention the fact that Target started their sales on Wednesday, so I got a great deal on board games for all the nieces and nephews.  It's nice to have a dent in my Christmas shopping so early.  The past few years I have been a Christmas Eve shopper...and I don't really like that.  Every year I vow to start buying things at the beginning of the year...and I never do.  Maybe 2013 is the year?!

I can't believe tomorrow is December 1st!  Bring on the Christmas season.  We got some lights up on the house.  Jacob and I are somewhat of "Griswolds" so of course we would love to have more.  Being this is our first year in this house we are testing the water on what all we can do.  I'm so excited to get all my Christmas decorations out.  Since we didn't have a house last year I didn't get to decorate.  So, I'm so excited to decorate my very own house this year.  And I'm sure Lexi will enjoy it also.  She is so excited about Christmas-time already also.

Rex has started sleeping a little better...knock on wood....he gets up 1-2 times a night, versus every 2 hours he was doing up until about 2 weeks ago.  Jacob and I are definitely enjoying the extra sleep. 

Keep checking the blog, because I have lots of great ideas!

~~Danielle~~

Rex Allen's birth story

I guess it's about time I get his birth story down on "paper" before it leaves my mind.

Thursday September 6, 2012:  
I had been laying in bed doing my bedrest thing, tracking my contractions all day.  I would get into a pattern and then the contractions would slow down for a while.  Around 9:00 that night I had a steady stream of contractions about 8-10 minutes apart.  I wasn't too worried about it because I thought they would slow back down.  But once I told Jacob he decided we should go ahead and go to the hospital.  We called Jacob's mom to come stay with Lexi for a little while until we knew what was going on.
On the way to the hospital I called the answering service to have the on-call dr. call me...secretly hoping it was my dr who was on call, but it wasn't.  The on-call dr called me back and told me to go to triage. By the time we got to triage the contractions had started to slow down.  They got me all hooked up to the monitors and I was still having some contractions, just not as steady.  The dr. looked at my strip after 2 hours and decided that nothing was going to happen that night so she was ready to send me home.  Right as the nurse was unhooking my blood pressure monitor I had one semi-high reading.  I don't know why it was alarming to her, because it wasn't alarming to me...it really wasn't that high.  She reported it to the dr and came back to tell me that bought me a 23 hour observation and a 24 hour urine collection.  I was pretty upset, because I knew I wasn't going to be having a baby, but I was going to be staying for a technicality.  We finally got moved up to the antepartem room around 2 am.  I had a pretty sleepless night and was awake around 6.

Friday September 7, 2012:
Jacob went home to shower and update his mom on what was going on.  While he was gone my actual dr came in to check on me.  She said she had looked at my chart and the blood pressure wasn't concerning to her so she was going to let me go home.  I called Jacob to tell him to head back up to come get me because they would be discharging me soon.  I called my mom to let her know also.  As soon as I hung up the phone with my mom my dr came back in.  She had looked at my strips from the night before and noticed that Rex's heart rate was dropping during contractions and she would not feel comfortable letting me go home.  She left to decide what we would do.  I called Jacob back to let him know.  He was already on the way back up with Lexi so he called his mom to follow him up there to be with Lexi while he was with me.  They decided to move me down to labor and delivery and hook me back up to the monitors to watch Rex.  My dr. checked me and told me I was around 5 cm dilated.  I started texting everyone to tell them to go ahead and head towards the hospital, because with my history of quick labor I wanted everyone to be there on time.  Once I was down in labor and delivery and everyone was coming in and out of my room the dr decided to do a contraction stress test.  Basically they give you a small dose of pitocin to induce contractions.  They want you to have 3 contractions in 10 minutes to see how the baby reacts to the contractions.  It was basically a toss up on the test.  Sometimes his heart rate would drop and sometimes it wouldn't.  It was so scary the times that it did drop though.  You could hear it just go down down down, and I would be just sitting there praying for it to start coming back up.  My dr. came back in and started trying to decide what to do.  I wasn't 37 weeks yet so she didn't really want him to be delivered yet, but we were there, and I would not be going home like this, so she made the decision to go ahead and increase the pitocin, break my water, and have a baby!!  She knew my labor would happen fast so she made sure that I had my epidural before they increased the pitocin.  The epidural was once again almost painless...I have heard horror stories, but both of mine were amazing.  I was having pretty steady contractions and had to push the epidural button because I was feeling pain.  The nurse came in and checked me and said I was around a 7-8.  About 30 minutes later I had to push the button again because I was having pain during contractions.  The nurse came in and checked me again and said I was ready to push.  They started breaking the bed down and getting everything ready.  The epidural had really kicked in good and I couldn't feel my legs really at all.  The funniest part of the delivery was a storm was blowing in right after they put my legs up in the stirrups.  Literally everyone in the room ran to the windows to look out at the wind blowing, while I'm just laying there with my legs in the stirrups.  Pushing was hard because I couldn't feel anything.  I could feel the contractions in my belly so I knew when I needed to push but I couldn't feel if I was doing it right.  But after 5 contractions, 3 pushes each, he was out.  Apparently he was really blue when he came out and my mom and Jacob were pretty scared.  But, he started screaming immediately and pinked right up.  His cord was wrapped around his foot, so it was getting pinched during contractions, thus the heart rate dipping.  He also had a pretty nice little indentation on the top of his head from sitting so low for so long.  I knew he was "right there" for at least 3 weeks.  Pretty immediately he was placed skin to skin with me, which is something I didn't get to experience with Lexi.
My birth experience was amazing.  I'm so glad that I got to experience a pretty normal labor and delivery since this is my last one.
I found out that my dr. was actually off work that day and had come in to check on me that morning but ended up staying all day.  I can't even express how that makes me feel.  I wanted her to deliver Rex so badly, and I'm so glad that was able to happen.

Right now, we are enjoying our little family of 4.  We are all smitten with "Baby Rex."

36 weeks

Wow.  36 weeks.  That's 2 days longer than I made it with Lexi.  To some it isn't a big deal, to me, it means everything.  When I went on hospital bedrest with Lexi 3 years ago the only thing that kept me going was knowing that when I left that hospital I would have a sweet baby girl in my arms.  I was admitted on a Monday.  On Saturday night I was begging God to make it be over.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  I felt like I was alone all the time.  I don't know.  I can't explain it now.  I just know that being in the hospital is miserable and I was totally done with it.  I had Lexi the next day.  Maybe God heard my prayers.  Maybe He knew that I really really couldn't do it anymore.  Maybe it was just fate.  Either way, at 35 weeks and 5 days Alexia Rosemay entered this world at 5lb 5oz and 17 3/4 inches long.  I didn't know at the time that my hospital had an automatic NICU stay for every baby born before 36 weeks.  So minutes before I had her, in swooped a whole team of people.  They let me see her and touch her face and kiss her before they whisked her off to the NICU.  Jacob went with her and I went back to my room.  She breathed good.  She looked good.  They gave her a binky almost immediately because she just wanted something to suck on.  But she wouldn't eat very good at first.  So they put a feeding tube in.  It took her a couple days to start taking all her feeds by mouth and for them to remove the tube.  Then she wouldn't keep her body temperature up.  For those 9 days that she was there, we couldn't take her out and hold her whenever we wanted.  We could take her out to feed her, hold her for a little bit, and then put her back in.  And she had to be wrapped up completely the whole time.  If her temperature wasn't good, then we couldn't take her out and feed her.  She could be out of the isolette for like 45 minutes tops.  Leaving her in the hospital alone every night was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life.

What all this rambling leads to is:
No matter how much I talk about being miserable right now
No matter how much I think I can't do this for one more second
I HAVE TO.  AND I WILL.

I know how lucky I am to even be pregnant right now, and I don't take that for granted at all.  And I know that every day longer that Rex bakes will make his grand entrance and his life, that much easier.  And for one of my children, I will do anything...anything!

34 week bump update

*How far along?: 34 weeks 1 day

 *Total weight gain: As of yesterday 6 pounds

 *How big is baby?: 2 weeks ago he was 5.2 pounds, so he's probably around 6 pounds right now

 *Sleep?: Still only sleeping a couple hours at a time, but I have had a couple nights where I got a little more.

 *Best moment this week?: Watching him breathe on ultrasound yesterday.  He had failed his past 2 biophysical profiles because he wouldn't practice breathe.  So this was a huge accomplishment!

 *Movement? He is definitely a mover. He moves until we get into the ultrasound room and then he takes a nap.

 *Food cravings?: I could eat pizza every single day.  Vegetable beef soup.

*Labor signs?: Contractions are a daily occurrence, but I don't think it means labor is coming.

 *Belly button in or out?: Still in.

 *What I miss: Being able to sleep on my belly. Walking at a normal pace.  Seeing his face on the ultrasound.  He's too far down and there is too much fluid for us to get a clear picture of his face now.

 *What I’m looking forward to: Seeing him on ultrasound again next week.  After the eventful pregnancy, labor, and delivery with Lexi I have been getting weekly ultrasounds for about 4 weeks now. Getting measurements to see how big he is.  Getting checked for dilation.

                                            

This was last week 33 weeks 3 days

PCOS: My story

Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which a woman has an imbalance of a female sex hormones. This may lead to menstrual cycle changes, cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other health changes.—ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

When I started typing up this blog post I thought I was going to go more in the direction of scientific facts about PCOS.  But, the more I think about it, the more that’s not what I want it to be about.  I am open to answering any questions about PCOS, and it’s symptoms, but I want to tell my story.

Before PCOS I never questioned the fact that I would be a mother.  It’s something all little girls dream of.  Once I started college I knew there was something wrong with my periods but I didn’t know what.  I was fairly active in high school, playing softball, and I knew that or the change of pace to college life, could change my cycles.  It finally got out of control and my mom took me to an ob/gyn.  One of her friends was a receptionist there, that’s how we picked the place. He did a routine first gynecology exam.  He put me on birth control because I wasn’t married and not trying to have kids.  He told me once I was ready to come back and we would discuss doing something different.  The birth control stabilized my cycles, but it also made me crazy.  At the time I was young and didn’t realize there are so many different kinds of birth control.  Or the fact that I could just call up the dr. and say I didn’t like the side effects and ask for something different. 

Fast forward to 2005.  I had stopped taking the birth control because my prescription ran out, I believe.  I had gotten married in October so I knew if I got pregnant I would be fine with it.  In December I found myself pregnant.  A few days later I found myself in the ER having the worst experience of my life.  I had been at work and was bleeding and cramping, both heavily.  By the time I got to the ER the bleeding has slowed tremendously, but I still had no doubt that something was wrong.  They took me to do an ultrasound, of the trans-vaginal variety.  I remember the tech asking me to insert the wand into myself.  I said “excuse me?”  She said that was the way I gave my consent.  I would much rather have signed a form.  There was no sign of a baby.  I had already lost it.  They gave me some pain pills after my mother in law demanded them, signed a form for me to have a day off work, and sent me home.  On that day, my life changed completely.  I will never be the same.  The innocence was gone. 

After we took a break for a while, we decided we were ready to actually try again for a baby.  I went back and the dr. told me to try 3 months without taking birth control and then we would do further testing.  I knew this wouldn’t work because I had been without birth control for a while.  And my period was pretty much a non-stop thing.  But, I did what he said.  When I went back and did the further testing he told me that I had PCOS, polycystic ovary syndrome.  I immediately went to the internet to look it up.  It was a “duh” moment.  I had almost every symptom on the list.  Why had no one ever suggested that I had this?  But alas, you take some pills, ovulate, and get pregnant.  This wasn’t the end of the road.  He prescribed clomid for me to take at the beginning of my cycle.  That with timed intercourse would do the trick.  It was around this time that I got hardcore into tracking my cycle, and temping.  I went back for CD13 (cycle day 13) bloodwork.  He called me the next day to tell me that I had definitely ovulated.  Now to just wait to find out if I was pregnant.  I will tell you over and over that I have ZERO patience.  That applies to every aspect of my life.  I started taking home pregnancy tests long before I should have and finally was able to see a faint line.  I bought a digital test and saw that magical word, “PREGNANT.” But within days, I was bleeding.  First just a little, then more, then more.  I called the office one morning early and the Dr. called me back.  I told him I was bleeding and the nurse told me to call if it got worse.  He told me not to call him back “unless you feel like you are bleeding to death.”  I was taken aback.  I thought dr’s were supposed to be compassionate with this sort of thing.  I called Jacob’s aunt because she’s a nurse.  When she found out who my dr. was she made me an appt with her ob/gyn immediately.  She had worked with my current dr in a hospital setting and had seen him to less than favorable things. 

By the time I had my appointment with the new Dr, I had already spent more time in the ER and lost the baby.  It was heartbreaking to go to that first appt and have to explain to them that I was no longer pregnant.  But I loved the dr.  I loved her bedside manner, and I loved the fact that she didn’t write me off.  She started making plans.  Scheduling more tests, deciding what we should do next.  You’ll have to forgive me because I don’t remember exactly what happened, and since I wasn’t blogging then I don’t have the greatest records.  I know we did a lot of bloodwork.  That’s when she found out that I was in fact insulin resistant.  It’s one of the symptoms of PCOS, so there wasn’t any shock there.  She started me on a medication called Metformin.  It’s usually something that people with diabetes take.  But, it helps stabilize your blood sugar, which has a profound impact on ovulation.  We also did more ultrasounds to look and see how bad the cysts actually were.  The next step was to do more clomid.  Once again I don’t remember the exact protocol we did, and which cycles worked and which ones didn’t.  But eventually I became pregnant once again.

Before my blood work to confirm pregnancy I had already taken a home pregnancy test and seen that magic P word.  But when the nurse called me to tell me the results of my bloodwork she was shocked that I had gotten a positive home test.  She said my test results shouldn’t have been high enough at the time I tested to get a positive result.  They ordered more blood work 24 hours later.  The numbers were climbing, but not fast enough.  They weren’t even high enough to be able to see anything on ultrasound.  My dr personally called me at home one night after hours to tell me that there wasn’t anything we could do.  We just had to sit and wait to see what happened.  She hadn’t given up hope completely, but the outcome probably wasn’t going to be good.  She was right.  Eventually the bleeding became too much and I lost the baby. 

We decided to take a break from trying to conceive.  The tolls infertility takes on your marriage are extreme.  As a woman you feel like a failure as a wife.  I mean, one of the reasons a man gets married, is to continue his name.  When you can’t give your husband that, it isn’t pretty.  Jacob never made me feel like a failure.  It’s just the personal standards I had set for myself.  We notified my dr that we would be taking a break for a while, just to get grounded again and decide what our next step would be.   One of the last things she told me was to be careful.  Because the metformin can stabilize your blood sugar enough that you can ovulate on your own.  I kind of laughed to myself, because I knew that wasn’t going to happen.  But it did!

One day I got the urge to take a test.  I still had some stashed in the bathroom, and Jacob was out with his brother for the night, so I took a test.  It immediately turned positive and I thought the test must be broken, so I took another one, and the same thing happened.  I couldn’t believe it!  I called my dr the next day and she ordered bloodwork to confirm.  In the back of my mind I was still very concerned, because I had never had good bloodwork results.  But when they called me back I was in awe.  It was a number so high that I couldn’t believe it!  Our Lexi Rosemay was born on May 3, 2009 and she is truly our miracle!

After Lexi we knew we wanted more kids, but we weren’t going to rush anything.  I was out of work for a while after I had Lexi, so that meant I was without insurance.  In January 2012 we were preparing to move into our first home that we had purchased.  I had a job with insurance and even though we hadn’t talked about it, I think we both knew that “the talk” about when to start trying would be coming up soon. On February 14 I stopped on my way home from work and bought a dollar store pregnancy test.  I just hadn’t been feeling completely right lately, and even though I knew it was a long shot, I still wanted to test.  Once again, a super fast, super dark positive.  WHAT?!?  Because of PCOS I hadn’t even had a period since November.  I immediately started googling things.  And come to find out…you can ovulate without having a period.  Scheduled an appointment with my ob/gyn, who I hadn’t seen since my follow up after I had Lexi.  She was amazed.  I am still amazed.  Our Rex Allen is due October 1, 2012.  He is our second miracle. 

I have a lot of guilt about getting pregnant miraculously 2 times when I have so many deserving friends who are doing all kinds of treatments, and still can’t get pregnant.  But I have to push it aside.  I know I was chosen by God to be the mother to these 2 babies.  They are my miracles.  They give my life meaning.  I love them with my whole heart and then some. 

Am I still worried about PCOS?  Yes.  We know after Rex is born, we are done having kids.  Since we got married, we always knew we wanted 2.  Now we have to decide how to prevent pregnancy…something we haven’t done for several several years.   I don’t want to be tied down to taking a birth control pill every day for the rest of my life.  Jacob is completely willing to do his part.  But, even if he does that I will still have to do something or else my cycles will be completely out of sorts because of PCOS.  I’m too young to have a hysterectomy.  I know my dr. won’t do it.  And I’ve read some articles that state even if you have a hysterectomy all of your symptoms of PCOS won’t go away.  I could still suffer from the weight gain, acne, excess facial hair.  I still have lots of research to do before I decide what’s best for me. 

I do know that this isn’t the end of the road for me as far as talking about PCOS.  PCOS changed who I am.  And I will never stop advocating.  I will never stop offering advice.  I will never stop reading about it.  And until my baby girl has kids of her own, I will never stop worrying that it is something I have passed on to her.  Please know your body.  Please ask questions.  If there is anything I can do for you, please don’t be afraid to contact me!

Danielle.brigance@live.com

Exciting Day

This is a pregnancy related post, so if you don't feel like hearing about that, here's your change to leave.



Ok...
I woke up this morning to blood when I wiped.  I automatically got panicky because ya know, blood in pregnancy is never a good sign.  And I've been having some whopper contractions.  I called the answering service at my ob's office.  My ob called me back in probably less than 5 minutes and told me what time she would be at the office.
Jacob and I dropped Lexi off at the baby sitter's and headed to the ob's office.  She checked me with the speculum and couldn't find any blood.  She had them send my urine off to be tested for a UTI because that could cause blood.  She then checked me for dilation.  Not the best feeling process, but definitely necessary.  She said I was not dilated at all, which is great.  I just knew that I was going to be dilated some.
I told her that I felt like Rex is going to just fall out when I walk, there's that much pressure.  She assured me that wouldn't happen.  As we were leaving she kinda joked that we wouldn't make it 11 more weeks.  Realistically if I make it 7 more weeks that would be awesome for me.
I went and got an ultrasound to check the location of the placenta, which was great.  The amount of fluid, which was great.  And the length of the cervix, which was great at 3.61 cm.  We still couldn't get a good shot of his face because he had his hand up there.  But he moved around a ton to let us know he didn't like his space being invaded.  We also didn't see/hear the arrhythmia this time around so that's really good.
Over all it was a great appt for an emergency.  I heard everything I needed to hear.  I was terrified about being admitted for any length of time, and being placed on bedrest.  That didn't happen today.  So, there's one more week I can have a paycheck.  I'm sure there will be more on that subject coming up soon.
I have been pretty sore from all the action down below today, so I've been trying to take it easy.  So hopefully I can get a good night's sleep and finish off the work week.

Rex Allen,

Stay put and stop scaring your mommy so much!

Letters to Rex

28 Weeks 2 days This is from our journal Rex Allen- You are quite the little stinker. You are always on the move it seems like. At our appt. Monday you weighed 3.3 pounds. We couldn't get a good picture of your face because you kept pulling your head back. You are still head up - which I could tell because your movement hasn't changed spots. You also have an arrhythmia with your heart. Dr. Lakin didn't seem concerned. She said it will probably heal itself before you are born, But we will watch it closely. You already have been causing a stir with pains and contractions. You are leading up to being just as big of a trouble maker as your big sister was. Daddy got to feel you move a lot the other day. We joked that it felt like you were running a marathon like Aunt Lisa. Lexi talks to you and asks about you all the time. We all love you so very much! Love Mommy!

The only picture of your face

25 week bump update

*How far along?: 25 weeks 4 days 
 *Total weight gain: I think I'm still a couple pounds under what I was when I got pregnant...which was way too much. 
 *How big is baby?: The size of an eggplant. Approximately 1.6 pounds.
 *Sleep?: I generally don't sleep for more than a couple hours at a time without having to wake up and use the potty.
 *Best moment this week?: Having more pain-free days than pain-full days.
 *Movement? He is definitely a mover. Constantly! 
 *Food cravings?: Nothing in particular, but when something happens to cross my mind I need it right now. *Labor signs?: Not yet, thank goodness
 *Belly button in or out?: Still in. It never popped with Lexi so I don't expect it to this time either. 
 *What I miss: Being able to sleep on my belly. 
 *What I’m looking forward to: Jacob being able to feel more movement. Dr's appt on Monday so I will get to hear his heartbeat again.

Rex Allen

Rex Allen, My baby boy. I wake up every day waiting to feel your movements. I could lay in bed and feel you move all day long and never get tired of it. I can't wait to see your face. What will you look like? Will you look like your big sister Lexi? Will you look like me or Daddy? Will you have red hair like your Poppy? What will your personality be like? I just can't wait. To say I love you more than life is an understatement. I live my whole life for your sister and you. You are my life. I walk around so proud just knowing that I have you inside of me. I just love you.

scared

First thing...I got to come home from the hospital today! So excited to be back in my own bed. But tonight I got this overwhelming sadness. At first I couldn't really explain it. I mean, I am home...Lexi is home...we're all together...pain is a little better, so I should be good right?!? The more I started thinking about it, the more it started to make sense. I am scared of the pain coming back full force. I'm scared to wake up tomorrow with an 8 on the pain scale...which has been the norm up until today. I wanted to come home from the hospital more than anything, but I didn't realize how nice it was to know that a nurse would be checking on me all day, and if I needed anything I could just push the little red button. I'm scared of having to manage the pain on my own at home. I'm scared that if the pain comes back how will I function. The past few days if I was in pain it didn't really matter because my only job was to lay there and try to feel better. But now that I'm home I have other normal things that I have to do...go to work, take care of my daughter. I'm scared that if the pain comes back there are some people who won't handle it gently. Then Jacob informed me today that we just aren't going to have the money to make the trip to Dallas to hang out with my best girlfriends at the end of this month. I have been looking forward to this trip since the day I left Dallas after our trip last year. So, bummed doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Devastated is more like it. I completely understand and I am not angry with him in the least for this. Then, as per my nature, I have extreme guilt. I am already worried about the hospital bills for this little adventure we were on this week. Not just regular hospital bills, but the MRI cost also. I am worried about my lack of a paycheck next week. I am guilty for the fact that my mom missed a lot of work this week, which will also affect her paycheck. I feel guilty because of the stress and worry I put on Jacob and the rest of my family. I have a million things going on in my head. I need to finish 1 baby blanket, do another for friends. I need to do a baby blanket for Kristin, and also one for baby Rex. I need to plan a baby shower for Kristin and buy her gifts. There's just a lot still going on in my head. So needless to say, I still need prayers.

hospital part 2

Today was my second full day here. There is really nothing new to report. I still have pain. I woke up this morning and rated my pain as an 8. When Jacob got here my food tray was already here but I couldn't even force my eyes open. I eventually ate my breakfast and felt a little better. I got pain meds at 1:30 and then slept for a while. It wasn't a hard sleep, I could still hear everyone in the room but I once again felt like I couldn't force my eyes open. When I did wake up in a couple hours I was feeling (much) better. I ranked my pain as a 5 and I didn't ask for more pain meds at 5:30. We were waiting all day for an internal medicine consult. They finally came right before 7 and stayed approximately 3 minutes. I didn't understand what his plans were and I was still hopeful about going home tonight, so Jacob chased him down the hall. He thinks the neurontin needs to build up in my system. He may increase the dose tomorrow. The general consensus between him and my ob is that I willnot be going home until the pain ia gone. That's a scary thought considering I have beenin pain for 7 weeks. So when Jacob came back in and told me that I pretty much had a breakdown. I want to go home! I feel like I can rest and take pills at home. Jacob immediately called my mom who got me calmed down. I got pain meds at 8. The nurse told me not to wait too long in between so the pain doesn't get intolerable. I have been sweating like crazy in here. Everyone keeps talking about how cold it is but I literally feel like my bed is an oven. The fan is missing from my room so that sucks. Keeping my fingers crossed that I have a good night and get to go home tomorrow. Lexi is coming home after being gone for a week so I want to be there not here. I have tried to keep everyone updated as much as possible. It has been hard to keep up with all the texts and tweets. Eventually I will get my Thanks out to everyone. I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers so much. ignore any typos! I am using the kindle fire and I'm still not used to the keypad.

labor and delivery

Well I beat my own record of having to go to labor and delivery. 23 weeks 1 day this time. The past few days my migraine has been getting worse and worse. I have slept for less than 6 hrs since Saturday because of the pain. Today I got to work and started throwing up. It was pretty uncontrollable so i went home. I called my ob because I was concerned with getting dehydrated,and of course the pain. My ob called me back and told me to come to labor and delivery to be admitted for 24 hrs. I got here and they did bloodwork and started iv fluids. I got a couple pain pills and dozed for a second. The pain is still on about the same level. I think the plan is to do an mri tomorrow. Hopefully it comes back clear. I'm sure it will because it always does. Jacob went home to sleep and I'm starving. Off to hopefully get some sleep.