Happy Birthday Grandma!!

We took this picture last March.  My sisters and I drove up to Enid, to visit Grandma in her nursing home.  I didn't know this would be the last picture we took with her. 
See, she was only in this nursing home because Alzheimer's and dementia had stolen her.  She was in relatively good health for an 89 year old.  But she would forget things.  She would forget to take her medicine, or sometimes she would forget that she was boiling water on the stove.  And with the stories on the news about elderly people wandering away from home.... our family made the very difficult decision to put her in a home.  I wish I could say that she liked it there, but she really didn't.  She went from living on her own for more than 10 years, to now having a roommate.  And having nurses fussing over her all the time. 
It was a long drive up there that day, but we stopped and got her some chicken strips from Arby's.  She was already in the cafeteria when we got there.  Sitting and eating with another gentleman.  He was so sweet.  She seemed really good that day.  I'm thankful that I never witnessed her having a really bad day. The days where she tried to hit and kick not only the nurses and doctors, but her own family.  She couldn't understand what was going on.  She couldn't understand why we were "locking her up.". But that day was good.  She got us desserts from the cafeteria.  Told me not to get onto Lexi for playing the piano.  She showed Lexi the little birds they have.  And she showed us her room.  We brought her some of her favorite snacks.  And then we left.  In my head I can see her standing there at the doors as they closed and we walked away.    Just a couple months later, we lost her.  She had a massive stroke and heart attack.  She needed surgery, but we knew she wouldn't survive it.  So the doctors helped her hold on long enough for family to get there to be with her as she passed. 

She would have been 90 today.  I know we would have planned a huge party and invited lots of her family that she doesn't get to see much.  I know she would have smiled and laughed.... and sighed when the kids got too loud. 

I miss her.  More than I ever thought I could miss someone.  And my selfishness is so angry that Rex and Lexi won't have memories with her.  All I can do is tell them stories about her and Papa, and let them live on through that. 

Grandma, I'm so glad you're in heaven now.  I'm happy that you have all your memories back.  I'm happy that you are once again at Papa's side.  And that you can hold your grandchildren once again.  And that you can hold the babies I lost too soon.  But I still wish you were here.  I miss you.  I miss you telling me to smile more.  I miss you telling me to stop pulling my hair so it won't fall out.  I miss driving in your car on the way from Cherokee to Beggs.  I miss sleeping on the couch so you can have my bed.  I miss that sigh you did when everyone was too loud.  I miss how you hated sports and got so frustrated when everyone was crowded around the TV.  I miss how much you loved babies.  You would be in love with Rex and Mattie right now.  You would be so excited to have Lexi read to you.  I just miss you.

Happy Birthday Grandma!  I hope you had a spectacular birthday in Heaven today.  I bet it was amazing.

Letters to Rex

Rex Allen,

What an amazing little boy you are!  It seems like you learn something new every day.  I can't believe you are 18 months old now!  You are so different from your sister when she was a baby.  Lexi just sat in one spot and played.  Not you!  You are going and going from the time you wake up in the morning, until the time you go to bed at night. I think I've said "NO" more times in the last 2 months, than I have said it in my whole life.  As they say..you are ALL boy!

One of your most favorite things to do is wrestle with your sissy.  I have to watch you though, because you can really tackle her. 

Today we learned that you like grapes.  Yum! 

This week you learned how to say "Bethy". - Bethany
You can say please and thank you, but try to get away with not saying it, and just giving me your cute little grin.  That grin is going to get you in trouble boy! 

You love looking out the windows.  You wave to all the cars that drive by.  I don't know if anyone ever notices you... but you are darn cute!

Last weekend you got to see your "Papa.". I was so surprised when you started calling Poppy Red that.  Generally we call him Poppy, and then call Papa James, Papa.  But I guess you are going to be different.  I'm sure he doesn't care what you call him, as long as you love him. 

I love you with my whole heart!!

Mommy

Letters to Lexi - March 2014

Lexi Rosemay,

I can't even begin to tell you how special you are to me.  You are my biggest fan, my nurse, my little princess.  You are everything I ever dreamed a daughter could be... and more!  I hope you always know that.

You have started your first year of tball.  It is very exciting!  So far we haven't had any games, only practices.  But you are doing so great.  I am more proud of you with every practice.  Tuesday you got hit with the ball.  I was so proud of you.  You didn't run to me until your coach asked you if you wanted to.  You cried.  Did you know that Mommy wanted to cry?  It was so hard for me to not run on that field and scoop you up.  You are so brave and strong.  I was afraid that you would be scared to go to practice today.  But you weren't.  And Daddy said you did so good.  He showed me the videos of you hitting. 

Your personality gets bigger every day.  You go from being a princess to being a tomboy all in the span of a few minutes.  You like to get dressed up, but you also like to wrestle with your brother. 

You are doing so great in school.  You usually have your 4 pages of homework done on Monday night.  You seem to love your teacher and all your friends.  And you are starting to read!!  I can't even begin to tell you how proud that makes me.  People have always said, since you were a little baby, that you are so smart.  And now is your time to shine. 

You have been on spring break this week.  And you have loved spending time with Daddy and Bubba all day.  You guys have done lots of fun stuff.  I hope you are making lots of good memories to look back on one day.

I can't believe in a couple short months, you will be 5 years old!  I can still remember seeing you for the first time after you were born.  You were so tiny!  We didn't really have any clothes that would fit you.  We had to roll all your pants up.  But you have caught up now, and it seems I can't keep up with buying pants that are long enough for you.

You will always be my baby girl.  I love you so much!!

Mommy

Letters to Rex - January 2014

Rex Allen,

Where do I even begin? You are so different from your sister. You are constantly on the move. Climbing and destroying everything in your path. I remember when we couldn't wait for you to walk... now I just want you to slow down!

Your tube surgery helped you so much. Within a few days you were taking steps and saying more words.

Right now you can say: mama, dada, banana, cracker, thank you, I love you. We are working on Sissy and Lexi. She will be so excited when you can finally say her name.

You go to daycare at the school. You love your teachers so much... and I think they like you a little too. 😉

You eat from the time you get up in the morning until the time you go to bed at night. You will eat pretty much anything I give you. But some of your favorites are: bananas, pop tarts, cereal bars, chips, cookies, crackers, craisins, and dry cereal.

The funniest thing you are doing lately is blowing your nose. You can really do it! But you scrunch that little face up and blow... it's just so cute.

You sleep through the night for the most part.

You don't have near as many teeth as what your sister had by this time. You won't let me feel around in there for very long, but I think you have 12 teeth total right now. You sure are drooling a ton... and BITING your friends. So I'm hoping this is just a teething thing and it will go away soon!

Son, I love you so much! I was worried about what it would be like having a boy, after getting used to all the girly things. But it is truly amazing. Your smile lights up my darkest days. You will always be my baby boy!

Love,

Mommy

Letters to Lexi - January 2014

Lexi Rosemay,
You are 4 years and 7 months old. Even typing that right now, I can hardly believe it. It's been a while since I have written to you, so I hope I can remember everything that has gone on.

You are the BEST big sister! You are so helpful and you just love your brother so much.

You are in Pre-K this year and you are doing great! You surprise us every day with all the new things you are learning. Of course you know all your letters and numbers. But now you are starting to put sounds together and READ! The first things you read were colors. You read the colors in a color by number book. Then last week you read us a book you made at school. Just a little bit more practice and you will be a great reader. This excites Daddy and I because we love to read too.

You had a great Christmas. You were so happy with all of your gifts and told everyone thank you.

Santa couldn't fit a goldfish on his sleigh, so Mommy and Daddy had to take you to buy one. We actually bought 2! They are orange, so we named them Pistol and Pete.

You love the iPad, Luna (Lumia), your nab, and any phone you can get your hands on. You love to play games and watch Netflix.

You are really into my little pony right now, so you got a lot of ponies for Christmas. But you also love to watch Scooby doo before bed. So that should make your cousins Adam and James very happy.

You are the kindest little girl I have ever met. I joke about your attitude and how you are 4 going on 24, but it's not all bad. You can tell when someone is down and just needs a hug. You can tell when I don't feel good and you always tell me that I should go rest.

I love you with my whole heart! My most beautiful girl!

Love,

Mommy

Christmas Eve

Well, it's almost 1am and I'm laying here pretty much wide awake. 

Christmas snuck up on me once again this year, but I think we did better than last year. And next year I will aim to do better than this year.

Christmas growing up was always so amazing.  My mom worked her butt off to make sure we had a great Christmas every year. Even on the years when she told us that it wasn't going to be very good, it was always great. 

I remember last year being so sad when Christmas was over. I felt like we didn't do enough for Lexi, or anyone else. But this year I feel pretty good. I'm sure that will change by tomorrow night though.  Kristin (baby sister) and I were talking about it tonight. How we felt so bad because our gifts were always piled up under the tree as kids, but they seem so bare tonight. Our kids are young enough that they aren't going to remember much. And they definitely have lots of aunts and uncles who will be giving them gifts also. There was an article going around this week, written by a mom explaining why she buys a lot at Christmas, and I thought it summed up my feelings pretty well. Basically I don't buy my kids everything they want. They get special things on occasion, and they most certainly don't do without. But I have to say no a lot. I don't have the money to buy Lexi an ipad. I would love to have a huge swinger in my backyard, but it just can't happen right now. So, on the rare occasion that I get to go all out, then that's what I do.

I know it's more about the memories than anything. But I also know that Lexi is getting to an age where her friends are going to start talking and comparing gifts. And I never want her to feel left out!

Today we enjoyed the rare treat of being off work on a week day. We did a little last minute shopping, ate lunch, and took naps. Then we made cookies for Santa. I don't bake, lol. So I bought the pre-packaged dough. Lexi got to lay it out on the cookie sheets and then put sprinkles and m&m's on them. Tonight after bath time, Jacob told them about the night Jesus was born. Lexi wrote a note for Santa and put out his cookies and milk.

Tomorrow we will wake up and see what Santa brought! We always have lunch at my Grandma's on Christmas Day. There will be a few gifts there, but nothing major. My grandparents put money on a savings account for the kids on their birthdays and Christmas. Before we go we will have a discussion about thankfulness. Lexi is at an age where her personality and tastes are developing... and let's just say that she doesn't always have a lot of tact. She has always been good about saying please and thank you, but lately she makes it really obvious when she doesn't like something. I don't want to feel like I'm constantly nagging her, but we are trying to teach her about respect.

Tomorrow evening we will go spend time with Jacob's parents. Then Friday evening dinner with sisters and cousins. Saturday afternoon Christmas with my brother and his family. Saturday night Christmas with my parents and sisters. Whew! That's a lot!

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

Christmas time

Well, Christmas  gotten away from me again this year.  my tree stands in the corner, undecorated.  my decorations half unpacked. I don't know why this happens every year. I get so excited for the season, and then get overwhelmed with everything it brings. Trying to organize parties so that we see all sides of the family. Making sure Lexi has everything she needs for her class programs and parties. Do I have enough teacher gifts? Have I done enough this year? in my mind, the answer is always no. We should have baked more cookies and done more family things. We should have done more to make lasting memories. It's all just overwhelming. Hence the reason I am up at 12:30 am blogging about it.
Speaking of blogging...I know I promised to blog more, and I'm trying to figure out how to fit that in also. please forgive any typos or grammatical mistakes, as this is my first time blogging from my new tablet.  here's a list of what I want/need to do.

*decorate tree
*more lights outside
*make cookies for the neighbors
*put together goodie bags for the teachers
*finish shopping
*wrap gifts
*Christmas crafts with my girl

Surely I can make that happen. 

What are your favorite holiday traditions?