I know I'm so far behind in my letters to you. So tonight you are getting a combined letter.
You may not realize it now, but I love you more than life. That is something that you won't understand until you have kids of your own one day.
You are my reason for living and breathing. You are the reason I get out of bed every day.
Rex, you probably won't remember all my times spent in bed, because it isn't as bad as it used to be. But Lexi, I know you will remember it. I know you will remember sneaking in and snuggling up close to me and being my sweet little nurse. You have more compassion in your tiny little body than most grown adults have.
I'm sorry that you have to remember that. I'm trying to do better and make better memories for you now.
I know at times it seems like I'm so frustrated, and as Lexi has put it this week that I "don't like you." But that could never be true. I could never not like you. You will always be my babies. The babies I fought and struggled to bring into this world. And I will always always love you. I may not like some decisions you make, and I know we are going to have rough times as you all get older. But, I love you so very much.
Lexi, you are the smartest girl I know. You have been in first grade for 3 whole days and you have already read your entire reading textbook.
Rex Allen, you are my baby boy. I always want to be the lady in your life. I know someday someone will come in and steal you away from me. But, you will always be my baby. Since starting back to school (daycare) you have gotten so smart! I catch you all alone in your room singing your abc's. And you love to count.
You both have my temper....and for that I am sorry! You will deal with that your entire life. And hopefully, soon, you will learn to tame it down. Mommy is still working on that one.
I feel like I'm missing out on so much this school year already. I almost cried the first day when Rex wasn't in the backseat to tell me "no goo goo gains" at the railroad tracks. I miss being there to pick you up from school, Lexi. So you can talk nonstop the whole way home. I miss hanging out with Rex Allen all day, and being the only one that can understand his gibberish.
I hope you know why I have to work, and be away from home all day. I hope you can understand that everything I do is for you.
When things get rough...and they will...I will wish I could take all your pain away. And I probably won't be able to. But you can always know that you have someone who loves you no matter what! You could never do anything to take my love away from you.
Mama loves you, my babies.