Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

We took this picture last March.  My sisters and I drove up to Enid, to visit Grandma in her nursing home.  I didn't know this would be the last picture we took with her. 
See, she was only in this nursing home because Alzheimer's and dementia had stolen her.  She was in relatively good health for an 89 year old.  But she would forget things.  She would forget to take her medicine, or sometimes she would forget that she was boiling water on the stove.  And with the stories on the news about elderly people wandering away from home.... our family made the very difficult decision to put her in a home.  I wish I could say that she liked it there, but she really didn't.  She went from living on her own for more than 10 years, to now having a roommate.  And having nurses fussing over her all the time. 
It was a long drive up there that day, but we stopped and got her some chicken strips from Arby's.  She was already in the cafeteria when we got there.  Sitting and eating with another gentleman.  He was so sweet.  She seemed really good that day.  I'm thankful that I never witnessed her having a really bad day. The days where she tried to hit and kick not only the nurses and doctors, but her own family.  She couldn't understand what was going on.  She couldn't understand why we were "locking her up.". But that day was good.  She got us desserts from the cafeteria.  Told me not to get onto Lexi for playing the piano.  She showed Lexi the little birds they have.  And she showed us her room.  We brought her some of her favorite snacks.  And then we left.  In my head I can see her standing there at the doors as they closed and we walked away.    Just a couple months later, we lost her.  She had a massive stroke and heart attack.  She needed surgery, but we knew she wouldn't survive it.  So the doctors helped her hold on long enough for family to get there to be with her as she passed. 

She would have been 90 today.  I know we would have planned a huge party and invited lots of her family that she doesn't get to see much.  I know she would have smiled and laughed.... and sighed when the kids got too loud. 

I miss her.  More than I ever thought I could miss someone.  And my selfishness is so angry that Rex and Lexi won't have memories with her.  All I can do is tell them stories about her and Papa, and let them live on through that. 

Grandma, I'm so glad you're in heaven now.  I'm happy that you have all your memories back.  I'm happy that you are once again at Papa's side.  And that you can hold your grandchildren once again.  And that you can hold the babies I lost too soon.  But I still wish you were here.  I miss you.  I miss you telling me to smile more.  I miss you telling me to stop pulling my hair so it won't fall out.  I miss driving in your car on the way from Cherokee to Beggs.  I miss sleeping on the couch so you can have my bed.  I miss that sigh you did when everyone was too loud.  I miss how you hated sports and got so frustrated when everyone was crowded around the TV.  I miss how much you loved babies.  You would be in love with Rex and Mattie right now.  You would be so excited to have Lexi read to you.  I just miss you.

Happy Birthday Grandma!  I hope you had a spectacular birthday in Heaven today.  I bet it was amazing.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Letters to Rex

Rex Allen,

What an amazing little boy you are!  It seems like you learn something new every day.  I can't believe you are 18 months old now!  You are so different from your sister when she was a baby.  Lexi just sat in one spot and played.  Not you!  You are going and going from the time you wake up in the morning, until the time you go to bed at night. I think I've said "NO" more times in the last 2 months, than I have said it in my whole life.  As they say..you are ALL boy!

One of your most favorite things to do is wrestle with your sissy.  I have to watch you though, because you can really tackle her. 

Today we learned that you like grapes.  Yum! 

This week you learned how to say "Bethy". - Bethany
You can say please and thank you, but try to get away with not saying it, and just giving me your cute little grin.  That grin is going to get you in trouble boy! 

You love looking out the windows.  You wave to all the cars that drive by.  I don't know if anyone ever notices you... but you are darn cute!

Last weekend you got to see your "Papa.". I was so surprised when you started calling Poppy Red that.  Generally we call him Poppy, and then call Papa James, Papa.  But I guess you are going to be different.  I'm sure he doesn't care what you call him, as long as you love him. 

I love you with my whole heart!!


Letters to Lexi - March 2014

Lexi Rosemay,

I can't even begin to tell you how special you are to me.  You are my biggest fan, my nurse, my little princess.  You are everything I ever dreamed a daughter could be... and more!  I hope you always know that.

You have started your first year of tball.  It is very exciting!  So far we haven't had any games, only practices.  But you are doing so great.  I am more proud of you with every practice.  Tuesday you got hit with the ball.  I was so proud of you.  You didn't run to me until your coach asked you if you wanted to.  You cried.  Did you know that Mommy wanted to cry?  It was so hard for me to not run on that field and scoop you up.  You are so brave and strong.  I was afraid that you would be scared to go to practice today.  But you weren't.  And Daddy said you did so good.  He showed me the videos of you hitting. 

Your personality gets bigger every day.  You go from being a princess to being a tomboy all in the span of a few minutes.  You like to get dressed up, but you also like to wrestle with your brother. 

You are doing so great in school.  You usually have your 4 pages of homework done on Monday night.  You seem to love your teacher and all your friends.  And you are starting to read!!  I can't even begin to tell you how proud that makes me.  People have always said, since you were a little baby, that you are so smart.  And now is your time to shine. 

You have been on spring break this week.  And you have loved spending time with Daddy and Bubba all day.  You guys have done lots of fun stuff.  I hope you are making lots of good memories to look back on one day.

I can't believe in a couple short months, you will be 5 years old!  I can still remember seeing you for the first time after you were born.  You were so tiny!  We didn't really have any clothes that would fit you.  We had to roll all your pants up.  But you have caught up now, and it seems I can't keep up with buying pants that are long enough for you.

You will always be my baby girl.  I love you so much!!