Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Goodbye 2014

Another year is almost over.  How can that be possible?  It seems like we were just about to ring in 2014! It has gone by so fast!  But, I think overall 2014 has been a good year for us.

I turned 30 in January. I don't really feel 30 if that makes sense.  I guess I always thought by the time I was 30 I would have everything figured out.  Ya know...organized home, mom with a planner and crafts and everything together.  But, alas, that is not how 30 turned out.  Oh well.

Lexi turned 5 in May and started Kindergarten in August.  It doesn't seem possible that my sweet little 5 pound miracle is in Kindergarten.  And I hate to brag (no really I don't) but this girl is smart.  She has always been smart.  I used to call her baby genius.  She was so scared to start Kindergarten because she didn't think she was smart enough to do it.  But now she loves it.  She is reading at least at a second grade level, and I couldn't be more proud of her.  I love to see little parts of her personality start to grow and change...but it's still funny to see the things that stay the same.  From the time she was born (4 weeks early) she has done things on her own time.  She joined the world early, but didn't want to leave the NICU.  She was adamant about using her preemie bottles up until the day she started using a sippy cup...which I had to hold like a bottle because she refused. She was content to sit on the floor and play with whatever she could reach.  Crawling and walking just weren't priorities.  She is the same today.  Everything is on her time.  She does not like to be woken up before she is ready.  She stumbles out of the bedroom looking exactly like me in the mornings!  I have to remind her over and over to get dressed, or eat breakfast, or brush her teeth, just so we can get out of the house in the mornings.  She just does things on her timing.

Rex Allen turned 2 in September. And let me tell you, I just don't know how that is possible. Seems like he was just my spoiled little baby who needed to be held at all times.  But now he's my spoiled big man.  I have always felt guilty about going back to work after he was born, but it was something that had to be done.  I was able to stay home for a year after Lexi was born, and I felt like I knew everything about her.  With Rex, I felt like all his bonding was with Jacob.  He was Daddy's boy all the way.  But me being home with him all day for 5 months has changed that!  We have gotten to know each other.  He has learned how to push my buttons, and I have learned how to interpret his gibberish.  I feel like we get each other now. And he definitely melts my heart with that ornery little smile.

In July I lost my job.  I have felt every emotion possible about it.  I have gone from feeling completely lost and broken, to feeling empowered and confident in new beginnings....and all the way back again. 

My health has had highs and lows.  Botox completely changed my life, and then changed it again when I lost my insurance. 

I got to be there to welcome a new nephew into the world in April.  And stand beside my sister as she married the love of her life in October.

We raised money and walked to end Alzheimers in memory of my Grandma.  And we still miss her every single day.

Lots and lots of family time was enjoyed this year.  This is something I can never get enough of.  I feel like I thrive when I am surrounded by family.  I never take enough pictures though, and should really make that a resolution for next year. 

I got to spend an amazing long weekend in Alabama this summer with some of my very best girl friends.  It was a long drive, and per the norm, I ended up as red as a lobster.  But it was so great. 

I have very close friends who have suffered extreme loss and pain this year.  I wish I could take that away from them.  I can only hope and pray that 2015 is a better year for them, and that their prayers are answered.  At the same time, I have friends who have had their dreams come true, and their prayers answered this year.  My heart couldn't be more happy for them. 

I have been wanting to post pictures from all our Christmas celebrations, but I left my camera at my mom's house last weekend, so I haven't been able to load any of them.  I promise that is coming!

No matter if 2014 was your best or worst year ever, I am praying for 2015 to bring all your greatest wishes!

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Letters to Lexi - 9/7/14

Lexi Rosemay,

It's hard to believe I'm writing these Letters to a big 5 year old now.

You have been in kindergarten for about a month now.  For some reason you were so scared to start school.  Any time we talked about kindergarten you would cry and cry.  Finally you told me and Nanny that you were scared to go because you couldn't do math, and you couldn't do lots of hard paperwork.  I kept assuring you that you are very smart and you would not have any problems.  But you were still scared.

You started reading this summer.  Last year in Pre-K you started reading a few words.  You would see something on TV and read it.  Me and Daddy were so amazed.  But over the summer you just started reading and reading and never stopped.  I can't take any credit for it because you did it all on your own.  By the second week of kindergarten you were already talking about how you were doing math in class.

Like I told your Bubba, you both have my short patience, and my big temper.  Daddy is in for it with 3 of us in the house!

I love being able to get up with you in the mornings and take you to school, and then being able to pick you up in the afternoons.  Then we get to spend a couple hours just you, me, and Rex before Daddy gets home from work.

Your favorite food is still peanut butter, but you are doing better about trying some other things.  You love pizza and macaroni and cheese.  You STILL eat string cheese like it's going out of style.  And like Mama, you love chocolate.

You can spot a Kia Soul (like Mommy's car) on the road from a mile away.  I'm sure that makes your daddy happy.  You are a technology queen, and can operate any device.

You love kittens right now.  You love to stay all night with Nanny and play with her kittens.

Baby Blake is your favorite person.  You are so sweet with him, and he just loves you so much.

Lexi, I hope you always know how special you are.  I hope that one day you can have a daughter, so you can know how much love I have for you!!

I love you baby girl.  Don't grow up too fast... Mama isn't ready.

Love you,


Letters to Rex - 2 years old

Rex Allen,

I can't believe you are 2 years old today!!
You are such an amazing little boy.  You pretty much do what you want, when you want.  If our schedule doesn't match yours, you are gonna let us know all about it.

Your vocabulary is getting better every day.  You are using 3-5 word sentences all the time. 

Boy do you have your mama's temper.  I was hoping that since Lexi has my temper, you would have your dad's... but I don't think that's the case. 

The funniest thing you do lately is in the mornings, if I don't give you what you want, and you get fed up with me, you beg to go night-night.  It cracks me up!!  You are a great sleeper.  You go to bed at 6:30 and get up at 7 the next morning.  You have been waking up a couple times a night because your cup is empty... looks like we have created another monster like your sister.

I have no intentions of moving you out of your crib any time soon.  You haven't made any attempt to climb out... and I don't want you getting out of a toddler bed and roaming around the house.

You LOVE Mickey Mouse.  You will sit and watch him so intently.
You love dogs and have no fear.

Shoes are your nemesis.  We leave your shoes in the car, because if we put them on in the house, we won't make it out the door before you have kicked them off.  You want to be barefoot!!

You love taking sissy to school and picking her up.  You can barely contain your excitement when you see the school buses. 

When you wake up you are such a cuddle bug.  I can barely put you down in the morning to make my coffee.  You just want to sit and snuggle for a while.  And I love it!!

Your best friend is your cousin Mattie.  You get so excited when we see her.  You love to play with her, and we all love to watch you interact.

I love you so much Bubba Man!! 



Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

We took this picture last March.  My sisters and I drove up to Enid, to visit Grandma in her nursing home.  I didn't know this would be the last picture we took with her. 
See, she was only in this nursing home because Alzheimer's and dementia had stolen her.  She was in relatively good health for an 89 year old.  But she would forget things.  She would forget to take her medicine, or sometimes she would forget that she was boiling water on the stove.  And with the stories on the news about elderly people wandering away from home.... our family made the very difficult decision to put her in a home.  I wish I could say that she liked it there, but she really didn't.  She went from living on her own for more than 10 years, to now having a roommate.  And having nurses fussing over her all the time. 
It was a long drive up there that day, but we stopped and got her some chicken strips from Arby's.  She was already in the cafeteria when we got there.  Sitting and eating with another gentleman.  He was so sweet.  She seemed really good that day.  I'm thankful that I never witnessed her having a really bad day. The days where she tried to hit and kick not only the nurses and doctors, but her own family.  She couldn't understand what was going on.  She couldn't understand why we were "locking her up.". But that day was good.  She got us desserts from the cafeteria.  Told me not to get onto Lexi for playing the piano.  She showed Lexi the little birds they have.  And she showed us her room.  We brought her some of her favorite snacks.  And then we left.  In my head I can see her standing there at the doors as they closed and we walked away.    Just a couple months later, we lost her.  She had a massive stroke and heart attack.  She needed surgery, but we knew she wouldn't survive it.  So the doctors helped her hold on long enough for family to get there to be with her as she passed. 

She would have been 90 today.  I know we would have planned a huge party and invited lots of her family that she doesn't get to see much.  I know she would have smiled and laughed.... and sighed when the kids got too loud. 

I miss her.  More than I ever thought I could miss someone.  And my selfishness is so angry that Rex and Lexi won't have memories with her.  All I can do is tell them stories about her and Papa, and let them live on through that. 

Grandma, I'm so glad you're in heaven now.  I'm happy that you have all your memories back.  I'm happy that you are once again at Papa's side.  And that you can hold your grandchildren once again.  And that you can hold the babies I lost too soon.  But I still wish you were here.  I miss you.  I miss you telling me to smile more.  I miss you telling me to stop pulling my hair so it won't fall out.  I miss driving in your car on the way from Cherokee to Beggs.  I miss sleeping on the couch so you can have my bed.  I miss that sigh you did when everyone was too loud.  I miss how you hated sports and got so frustrated when everyone was crowded around the TV.  I miss how much you loved babies.  You would be in love with Rex and Mattie right now.  You would be so excited to have Lexi read to you.  I just miss you.

Happy Birthday Grandma!  I hope you had a spectacular birthday in Heaven today.  I bet it was amazing.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Letters to Rex

Rex Allen,

What an amazing little boy you are!  It seems like you learn something new every day.  I can't believe you are 18 months old now!  You are so different from your sister when she was a baby.  Lexi just sat in one spot and played.  Not you!  You are going and going from the time you wake up in the morning, until the time you go to bed at night. I think I've said "NO" more times in the last 2 months, than I have said it in my whole life.  As they are ALL boy!

One of your most favorite things to do is wrestle with your sissy.  I have to watch you though, because you can really tackle her. 

Today we learned that you like grapes.  Yum! 

This week you learned how to say "Bethy". - Bethany
You can say please and thank you, but try to get away with not saying it, and just giving me your cute little grin.  That grin is going to get you in trouble boy! 

You love looking out the windows.  You wave to all the cars that drive by.  I don't know if anyone ever notices you... but you are darn cute!

Last weekend you got to see your "Papa.". I was so surprised when you started calling Poppy Red that.  Generally we call him Poppy, and then call Papa James, Papa.  But I guess you are going to be different.  I'm sure he doesn't care what you call him, as long as you love him. 

I love you with my whole heart!!


Letters to Lexi - March 2014

Lexi Rosemay,

I can't even begin to tell you how special you are to me.  You are my biggest fan, my nurse, my little princess.  You are everything I ever dreamed a daughter could be... and more!  I hope you always know that.

You have started your first year of tball.  It is very exciting!  So far we haven't had any games, only practices.  But you are doing so great.  I am more proud of you with every practice.  Tuesday you got hit with the ball.  I was so proud of you.  You didn't run to me until your coach asked you if you wanted to.  You cried.  Did you know that Mommy wanted to cry?  It was so hard for me to not run on that field and scoop you up.  You are so brave and strong.  I was afraid that you would be scared to go to practice today.  But you weren't.  And Daddy said you did so good.  He showed me the videos of you hitting. 

Your personality gets bigger every day.  You go from being a princess to being a tomboy all in the span of a few minutes.  You like to get dressed up, but you also like to wrestle with your brother. 

You are doing so great in school.  You usually have your 4 pages of homework done on Monday night.  You seem to love your teacher and all your friends.  And you are starting to read!!  I can't even begin to tell you how proud that makes me.  People have always said, since you were a little baby, that you are so smart.  And now is your time to shine. 

You have been on spring break this week.  And you have loved spending time with Daddy and Bubba all day.  You guys have done lots of fun stuff.  I hope you are making lots of good memories to look back on one day.

I can't believe in a couple short months, you will be 5 years old!  I can still remember seeing you for the first time after you were born.  You were so tiny!  We didn't really have any clothes that would fit you.  We had to roll all your pants up.  But you have caught up now, and it seems I can't keep up with buying pants that are long enough for you.

You will always be my baby girl.  I love you so much!!


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Letters to Rex - January 2014

Rex Allen,

Where do I even begin? You are so different from your sister. You are constantly on the move. Climbing and destroying everything in your path. I remember when we couldn't wait for you to walk... now I just want you to slow down!

Your tube surgery helped you so much. Within a few days you were taking steps and saying more words.

Right now you can say: mama, dada, banana, cracker, thank you, I love you. We are working on Sissy and Lexi. She will be so excited when you can finally say her name.

You go to daycare at the school. You love your teachers so much... and I think they like you a little too. 😉

You eat from the time you get up in the morning until the time you go to bed at night. You will eat pretty much anything I give you. But some of your favorites are: bananas, pop tarts, cereal bars, chips, cookies, crackers, craisins, and dry cereal.

The funniest thing you are doing lately is blowing your nose. You can really do it! But you scrunch that little face up and blow... it's just so cute.

You sleep through the night for the most part.

You don't have near as many teeth as what your sister had by this time. You won't let me feel around in there for very long, but I think you have 12 teeth total right now. You sure are drooling a ton... and BITING your friends. So I'm hoping this is just a teething thing and it will go away soon!

Son, I love you so much! I was worried about what it would be like having a boy, after getting used to all the girly things. But it is truly amazing. Your smile lights up my darkest days. You will always be my baby boy!



Letters to Lexi - January 2014

Lexi Rosemay,
You are 4 years and 7 months old. Even typing that right now, I can hardly believe it. It's been a while since I have written to you, so I hope I can remember everything that has gone on.

You are the BEST big sister! You are so helpful and you just love your brother so much.

You are in Pre-K this year and you are doing great! You surprise us every day with all the new things you are learning. Of course you know all your letters and numbers. But now you are starting to put sounds together and READ! The first things you read were colors. You read the colors in a color by number book. Then last week you read us a book you made at school. Just a little bit more practice and you will be a great reader. This excites Daddy and I because we love to read too.

You had a great Christmas. You were so happy with all of your gifts and told everyone thank you.

Santa couldn't fit a goldfish on his sleigh, so Mommy and Daddy had to take you to buy one. We actually bought 2! They are orange, so we named them Pistol and Pete.

You love the iPad, Luna (Lumia), your nab, and any phone you can get your hands on. You love to play games and watch Netflix.

You are really into my little pony right now, so you got a lot of ponies for Christmas. But you also love to watch Scooby doo before bed. So that should make your cousins Adam and James very happy.

You are the kindest little girl I have ever met. I joke about your attitude and how you are 4 going on 24, but it's not all bad. You can tell when someone is down and just needs a hug. You can tell when I don't feel good and you always tell me that I should go rest.

I love you with my whole heart! My most beautiful girl!