Tuesday, August 21, 2012

34 week bump update

*How far along?: 34 weeks 1 day

 *Total weight gain: As of yesterday 6 pounds

 *How big is baby?: 2 weeks ago he was 5.2 pounds, so he's probably around 6 pounds right now

 *Sleep?: Still only sleeping a couple hours at a time, but I have had a couple nights where I got a little more.

 *Best moment this week?: Watching him breathe on ultrasound yesterday.  He had failed his past 2 biophysical profiles because he wouldn't practice breathe.  So this was a huge accomplishment!

 *Movement? He is definitely a mover. He moves until we get into the ultrasound room and then he takes a nap.

 *Food cravings?: I could eat pizza every single day.  Vegetable beef soup.

*Labor signs?: Contractions are a daily occurrence, but I don't think it means labor is coming.

 *Belly button in or out?: Still in.

 *What I miss: Being able to sleep on my belly. Walking at a normal pace.  Seeing his face on the ultrasound.  He's too far down and there is too much fluid for us to get a clear picture of his face now.

 *What I’m looking forward to: Seeing him on ultrasound again next week.  After the eventful pregnancy, labor, and delivery with Lexi I have been getting weekly ultrasounds for about 4 weeks now. Getting measurements to see how big he is.  Getting checked for dilation.

This was last week 33 weeks 3 days

Friday, August 3, 2012

Thank God for Hometowns

Thank God for hometowns
And all the love that makes 'em go around
Thank God for the county lines that welcome you back in
When you were dying to get out
Thank God for Church pews
And all the faces that won’t forget you
Cause when you’re lost out in this crazy world
You got somewhere to go and get found
Thank God for hometowns
Carrie Underwood
Thank God For Hometowns

Man Carrie Underwood knows how to reach right through the radio and grab me by the heart.  I think at some point everyone says the words "I can't wait to leave here." I think everyone says it, but I think very few mean it.  And even fewer actually follow through with it.
I "went away" to college.  By going away, I mean an hour away to a small college.  By going away I mean I came home every Friday promptly after class and cried every Sunday when we had to leave.  We being Jacob and I.  He loved it.  I hated it.  I wasn't meant to be away from my mama.  Or my sisters.  Or my freshly born niece.  So after 1 year we moved home.  I vowed to my mom and dad I would finish school.  In a way I did.  After a year at community college I wanted more.  I went to technical school and became a dental assistant.  Is not finishing school something I regret?  Every single day.  I think I am automatically "looked down" upon because I don't have a diploma hanging on my wall.  I want to go back.  But right now, it's not feasible.  I work 40 hours a week and I have 1.75 children.  I digress, this post isn't about college.

In 2005 Jacob and I moved into our very first apartment together.  Approximately an hour away from our parents.  We loved it!  It was our first home.  We had real jobs.  Life was great.  But, did I miss my family?  Yes!  Tremendously!  Once again, I was in a situation where I felt I didn't see them near enough.  So, my Uncle offered us a rent house, and we moved home.  And that's where we remain.  Just this January we purchased our first home.  Right here in the town where we grew up.  The town where I want my babies to grow up...and never leave home.  Our families are literally down the street (with the exception of my sister Lisa who has moved to the big city of Tulsa.  I will con her into coming HOME one day too.)

So when I heard Carrie's (we're on a first name basis, right?!) song from her new album I was drawn to it.  I know she was inspired by her own small Oklahoma hometown, but for me...it's like I could have written the lyrics myself.  That's if I was even slightly talented in the song writing category.  I mean, I could walk into the church where I grew up, where my Grandma still goes, and I'm sure they would recognize me even though I look nothing like I looked then.  I could walk into the church where Jacob and I were married and they would welcome us with open arms even though it's been far too long since we've been there.  

I hope and pray everyone has a place like this they can go to!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

pregnancy after infertility

I don't really know where to go with this post without offending or triggering someone. So i will try my best to do neither. I will always consider myself infertile. It's a club I unwillingly joined. But I have met some amazing women along the way. They are my sisters now and I wont leave them. Pregnancy in general is hard. But pregnancy after infertility is especially hard. With Lexi I had extreme guilt because I got pregnant while we were on a ttc break. It was a miracle, but I was scared to share it with my friends because I didn't know how they would handle it. They were excited for me and life was good. After I had Lexi it was hard to post on our site because I felt like since I wasn't currently ttc I didn't have anything to contribute. But I learned that a simple "I'm here for you" works wonders when you don't know what to say or do. This pregnancy has been much the same. I got pregnant while we weren't ttc. I didn't even have a cycle. Rex is truly a miracle. And I had to share with my girls. Once again they were excited for me. But this is where the hard part comes. I don't remember a lot of things about my pregnancy with Lexi. So I have a lot of questions. I don't want to bombard my infertile friends with pregnancy questions. They always answer me but I can't imagine how difficult it is. Then there come the normal pregnancy issues. The aches and pains. Is this normal? Should he be moving more? I'm so sore and tired and miserable. Those are things I feel extremely guilty saying. Because I am infertile. I know what it took for me to get here. For me to get 2 babies I had to lose 3. So I shouldn't complain about morning sickness or round ligament lain or braxton hicks. Because. There is someone out there who would die to have those problems. And I know that. And I feel guilty for my feelings. So if I have offended anyone, I sincerely apologize. It was not my intent to hurt anyone.