Monday, March 16, 2015

This Man

First of all, I want to thank everyone for the responses to my last post, here and on facebook.  It really helped!

The past couple weeks have been sorta rough around here.  After having daily headaches and some other symptoms, Jacob started checking his blood sugar.  Much to our surprise it was averaging in the 300s!  So he made an appointment with his dr.  Which was a huge step because he does not go to the dr!  He has started taking medication and changing his diet, and it has already helped tremendously!  He checked it tonight and it was in the 90s! 
I don't have much experience with blood sugar and diabetes.  I have PCOS, which causes some blood sugar/insulin resistance issues.  So I took metformin when I was trying to get pregnant with Lexi.  I do know that the average blood sugar should be between 80 and 120.  If mine gets much above 120 I get very sick!  Lethargic, sweaty...just icky feeling.  So I can't imagine how it would feel for it to be as high as Jacob's was.

It has been a real wake-up call for us.  My husband is one of the strongest men I know.  Ask anyone, and they will tell you he is the strong, silent type.  He doesn't complain.  He doesn't get sick.  I'm the sick one.  Always. And he has always been there.  He held me through 3 miscarriages.  He was by my side through home and hospital bedrest.  Emergency gallbladder surgery 3 days after his birthday.  For about 3 years in a row I was extremely sick on his birthday, leaving him to take care of the kids by himself.  But he was there. He has stood by my side through job losses, and carried our family financially.  So, for the roles to be reversed is weird for me.  Being sick for years I have learned to deal with my stuff.  I can handle it when it's me.  When my kids get sick, it kills me inside.  I can be strong and get the job done when it needs to be done.  But then I go to bed, and when everyone is asleep I can break down.  Cry and pray.  So naturally that's what I have done for the past week.  Which I realize probably comes across like I don't care.  But I do.  We have been together for 13 years.  We don't have that relationship where we oooh and aaah over each other all the time.  We don't post I love yous and the such all over facebook every day.  I'm not judging anyone who does that...we just don't.  We love each other deeply, and we know that we love each other deeply.  Sometimes when I wake up at night and can't sleep, I just have to snuggle up to him, or just put my hand on him.  Which is weird because I'm not a big cuddler.  But when it happens, I literally HAVE to reach out and touch him. 

If he knew I was in here typing this blog right now, he would probably tell me to stop.  For the pure fact that he doesn't want any attention brought to his situation.  But I have been thinking about it all day, and I just have to put this blog out there.  It's not for attention.  And it's not for a poor me pity party.  I just want everyone to know how amazing he is, and how much I love him.

This man has my heart.

Friday, March 6, 2015

What do you do when you don't know what to do...

If you're anything like me at all, you're going to need to read that subject line like 3 or 4 times before it finally clicks.  Don't feel're just trying to follow my brain....and that can be difficult.

So here's my dilemma.  When someone you know passes away, the way I  was raised, you take the family food.  Now this comes down from Grandma's who cook and bake all day.  And they've been doing this for years.  So when this happens, they know the perfect thing that they can take to the family. Well....that isn't me.  I mean, the #1 thing that I don't have going for me is that I.DON'T.BAKE.  Yes, hear it here first....Danielle Gleason Brigance, The first Granddaughter of Eva Fay Gleason....does NOT BAKE!!  And now my sweet Grandma and all her baking friends are fanning themselves and saying "Well Glory Be. How can someone in this family just not bake?!"  Welp, I just don't bake.  I can't bake the slice and bake cookies. I can't take my mother's perfected chocolate chip cookie recipe and make anything near the perfect cookies she comes out with.
So back to the moral of the story.  When someone I know passes away, my general go-to is to try to get someone in the family to give me some kind of idea of what they need.  I don't want to show up with 33 loaves of white bread if that has already been delivered.  So, my go-to most recently was a couple bags of ice and a couple gallons of sweet tea.  Because you can always use ice and sweet tea, right?! Ugh, still to this day that seems stupid to me.  But whatever. But right now it's beyond that.

The family is just starting to process their loss.  Of course they want time alone and time with just close family, before they let the flood gates open.  But that leaves me lingering.  And lingering is where I do not do well. 
I'm a do-er. I need to feel like I am DOING something that is helping SOMEONE.  So when everyone is telling me that there's nothing I can do right now but pray....then that's what I'm going to do.  But it's not going to come easy to me. And likely it's going to lead to me going crazy and hopefully finding a way around the situation, so that I don't have to continue to bug the family for anything they need.

I read once that you should never tell a grieving family to call you if they need anything....because families don't take you up on that offer.  But really.  When I say that to people.....I mean it.  I mean it, like hey, I really need my car filled up with gas before this funeral tomorrow, would you mind taking care of it?!  Yeah....exactly.  That's a job with my name written all over it.
Hey, could you come over and just sit with me and hold my hand and listen to me cry and wipe my tears?  Yep...I'm right there for you when you need that also. Because that's what I do. That's what makes me tick, and what makes my heart happy at the end of the day.  So friends, know that I'm going to be there, with weird requests to bring you coffee, sit with you until you fall asleep.  Bring you stamps to mail your thank you cards.  I will be there.  I will be that person for you. 

BUT, the big BUT.....You have to tell me when to come.  Because I am not good at interjecting myself into other people's grief.  I don't want to feel like I'm pushing my way in.  So when you're good and ready, you invite me in.....and chances are....then you're going to have to kick me out.

But seriously.  If anyone has any good options for helpful things that can be done when a friend loses a loved one....I would really like to hear the ideas!


Danielle b