Sunday, June 28, 2015

Here goes nothing

Just a little update if you haven't followed me all along:  I'm like extra paranoid about the fact that I'm not "the best mom ever."  So my mind plays stupid games with me, and I feel like I have to make up for all my missteps in other ways.  We moved into this house when Lexi was 2 1/2. We installed her baby monitor because her room is on the opposite end of the house from ours.  Then I found out I was pregnant with Rex.  I distinctly remember praying that Lexi would sleep through the night so I could get some sleep.  Fast forward to us bringing Rex home.  He slept in our room for a while of course, but when he moved to his room, we got a second monitor, that was a total nightmare from the beginning.  We put it in Lexi's room to shorten the distance, but it still made all kinds of noise.  So when Lexi was FIVE freaking years old, I finally turned off her monitor.  It freaked me out at first, but then I realized she didn't really need us all that often in the middle of the night.  Fast forward again to right now.  Rex will be 3 in 3 months.  I still have his monitor on every night.  He knows this, and has learned to play the game very well.  Recently he has started waking up 5-7 times a night wanting his sippy cup refilled.  Yes, I know they shouldn't go to bed with one, but both my kids have, so I don't really need that lecture.  Anyways...all this liquid consumption all night leads to him peeing through his diaper and me having to change the sheets in the middle of the night and then they are still soaked in the morning.  No, he's still not potty trained.  I have been super lazy about it, but I plan to work on it with him. Anyways...if you have been following me for a while, you know that I have problems with sleep.  As in, I don't sleep.  It takes me forever to fall asleep, and then once I fall asleep I only sleep for like 2 hours at a time.  So it's REALLY frustrating when that 2 hours of sleep is interrupted by having to refill a cup and change clothes and sheets.

So what's the point in all this?  I'm considering unplugging his monitor and letting him cry.  I'm just torn.  See, that stupid voice in my head is telling me I'm a terrible mom.  I don't want him crying all night.  But, I don't think he will.  I think once he realizes I'm not coming in there, he will go back to sleep.  The only reason I go in there is because once he wakes me up with his crying, then I'm awake, so I might as well go in there and take care of him so I can go back to sleep.  Second issue is that I don't want him to try to climb out of his crib, and fall and get hurt.  He has climbed out twice.  The second time he did fall.  He didn't get hurt, but he did fall.  We were going to go ahead and convert his crib tonight but naturally we can't find the parts we need to do it.  So I'm torn.

I'm selfish, but I need to get some sleep.  I went back to work 3 weeks ago, so I don't just lounge around the house all day.  I actually have to be able to function and use my brain.  Also, Jacob was gone all last week, and he's going to be gone all this week.  So I'm extra tired from doing everything solo.

If you followed all that....thank you!  And if you could...please pray for my mama heart.  That I would make the right decisions and be at peace with them!