Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

We took this picture last March.  My sisters and I drove up to Enid, to visit Grandma in her nursing home.  I didn't know this would be the last picture we took with her. 
See, she was only in this nursing home because Alzheimer's and dementia had stolen her.  She was in relatively good health for an 89 year old.  But she would forget things.  She would forget to take her medicine, or sometimes she would forget that she was boiling water on the stove.  And with the stories on the news about elderly people wandering away from home.... our family made the very difficult decision to put her in a home.  I wish I could say that she liked it there, but she really didn't.  She went from living on her own for more than 10 years, to now having a roommate.  And having nurses fussing over her all the time. 
It was a long drive up there that day, but we stopped and got her some chicken strips from Arby's.  She was already in the cafeteria when we got there.  Sitting and eating with another gentleman.  He was so sweet.  She seemed really good that day.  I'm thankful that I never witnessed her having a really bad day. The days where she tried to hit and kick not only the nurses and doctors, but her own family.  She couldn't understand what was going on.  She couldn't understand why we were "locking her up.". But that day was good.  She got us desserts from the cafeteria.  Told me not to get onto Lexi for playing the piano.  She showed Lexi the little birds they have.  And she showed us her room.  We brought her some of her favorite snacks.  And then we left.  In my head I can see her standing there at the doors as they closed and we walked away.    Just a couple months later, we lost her.  She had a massive stroke and heart attack.  She needed surgery, but we knew she wouldn't survive it.  So the doctors helped her hold on long enough for family to get there to be with her as she passed. 

She would have been 90 today.  I know we would have planned a huge party and invited lots of her family that she doesn't get to see much.  I know she would have smiled and laughed.... and sighed when the kids got too loud. 

I miss her.  More than I ever thought I could miss someone.  And my selfishness is so angry that Rex and Lexi won't have memories with her.  All I can do is tell them stories about her and Papa, and let them live on through that. 

Grandma, I'm so glad you're in heaven now.  I'm happy that you have all your memories back.  I'm happy that you are once again at Papa's side.  And that you can hold your grandchildren once again.  And that you can hold the babies I lost too soon.  But I still wish you were here.  I miss you.  I miss you telling me to smile more.  I miss you telling me to stop pulling my hair so it won't fall out.  I miss driving in your car on the way from Cherokee to Beggs.  I miss sleeping on the couch so you can have my bed.  I miss that sigh you did when everyone was too loud.  I miss how you hated sports and got so frustrated when everyone was crowded around the TV.  I miss how much you loved babies.  You would be in love with Rex and Mattie right now.  You would be so excited to have Lexi read to you.  I just miss you.

Happy Birthday Grandma!  I hope you had a spectacular birthday in Heaven today.  I bet it was amazing.

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